Yesterday I went to bed totally elated and excited because God had done something so amazing, I was over the moon. It wasn’t some big miracle, lol… It was a lil reward for simply obeying to His prompting but I’ll let you be the judge of that.
I was in a matatu heading home after a long hard day both at work & class and all I wanted to do was catch up on social media. Which was what I was doing up until the bus was full and we started heading out of town. That’s when the Spirit gently nudged, “Please put your phone away, we don’t want to make someone else rich.” I automatically smiled because He got my attention because let’s be honest, hehe…whose senses don’t heighten when money is mentioned?
So I promptly put my phone away and sat upright. In less than 6 minutes we had a slam on the side of the matatu and before I could turn the lady seated behind me screamed so loudly. Her phone had just been snatched from her hands and there was nothing she could do about it but sit there and cry. I was perplexed to say the least. In my mind all I was thinking was, “Darn, that could have been me, that could have been me, that could have been me.”
I was rattled on the outside, feeling terrible for the lady but deep inside I was breaking out in praise because God had snatched me and my phone away from the snatcher.. Lol. That’s how He made my night and I went to bed feeling so loved and protected even in the little matters.️️
I would be lying if I told you that that’s how our relationship always is, all rosy and lovey dovey, like nothing ever goes wrong.
I woke up this morning and like the imperfect human I am, I forgot all about His doing the previous night. I think it must be the hormones and all, lol, let’s put the blame there. But the minute I stepped out of the house and realized it was raining I got so furious with God. I was ridiculously mad because who does that, who allows the heavens to open up and have a major downpour in the morning when His children are going to work? Doesn’t He care about their health or how they’ll manoeuvre to work? Especially those who were not driving and depended on public transport. I was seething and burning with rage.
I didn’t want to listen to what the Spirit had to say at that particular point. I walked in the rain venting out all frustrations on Him, complaining that He didn’t care about me and if I got to work drenched or late. I got to the stage and there was no bus or matatu which fueled my lil tantrum more because I was forced to take a motorbike to the highway to get a ride.
By the time I was sitted in the matatu I was fussy and wanted a time out:
God: Baby girl…
Me: I don’t feel like talking right now.
God: Talk to me child. .
Me: No. I don’t want to. We are on time out.
God: What did I… What’s the issue?
Me: Am so pissed, am drenched, am cold, am late. As in why let it rain in the morning? Why not at night? Are you punishing me for snoozing my alarm? Maybe if I left the house earlier I wouldn’t get rained on. I thought you loved me. I don’t feel loved right now. I feel…
God: Young lady watch your tongue. I maybe Papa but don’t forget who I am in entirety.
Me: Now I feel scolded and hurt. I thought you said I could come to you and be real and raw and open up, no faking or putting up shows.
God: Yes you can baby girl and I want you to be vulnerable and broken before me but don’t cross lines child. I am still your God.
Me: I don’t feel like talking anymore. Am sorry…
At this point am feeling all sorts of emotions, hurt and guilty…hurt because am still on tantrum riot but more so guilty because He has a point and I have crossed lines. I hate hurting Him but for now am too proud to say am sorry so I look away. I grab my phone, start scrolling through Facebook and I can feel the Spirit watching me, waiting for us to have this conversation and iron it out but am trying hard to ignore His conviction.
As am scrolling I come across my favourite writer, John Piper, Desiring God. It’s an article titled suffering can save your prayer life https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/put-in-the-fire-for-the-sake-of-prayer/excerpts/suffering-can-save-your-prayer-life
At once I smile to myself because He knows how to get my attention, lol. At this point I feel He’s smiling back to me, probably thinking, “gotcha lil lady, can’t run away from me for long”. I read through the article and am deeply convicted I want to break down and cry because the lesson from the article is God puts us in the fire to awaken earnest prayers. As I shared in 2018 Reflections God had been teaching me to trust in Him at all times, good or bad. So for today, I had failed the test, lol but it really never is failure if we learn the lesson.
God is good at all times, times when He’s my protector, saving my phone from thieves and bad times when He opens the heavens and allows me to get rained on.. He still is a good God. Am actually glad it rained and I got fussy because I learned a big lesson: God rescues us from the flames of hell then puts us into refining flames so we can seek Him diligently and learn how to submit ourselves to Him.
Am not fussy anymore, you can’t really be mad for long at a God who knows you intimately, doesn’t get mad at your imperfections, who accepts you just as you are, flaws and all and above all, a Saviour who would willingly die on the cross all over again just for you.
I learn, I fail, He still patiently takes me back to class for the lesson again knowing that I will pass because am His child and learn from the best. I am loved, what more could I want.
Love and blessings.