30th June 2023, the last day of the sixth month of 2023! To God be the glory and the honour for this far He has brought us, carried us and sustained us. Where would we be were it not for His mercies and grace? If the LORD had not been on our side— let Israel say— if the LORD had not been on our side when people attacked us, they would have swallowed us alive when their anger flared against us; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away. Praise be to the LORD, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalms 124:1-8.
As I write this, my heart is overflowing with immense gratitude because God has been faithful and there are so many miracles: little, big (and everything in between) that we can all count and attest that God has been truly faithful. For starters being alive is a big testimony. Every day I watch the news there is always a grisly story of an accident or incident claiming the lives of people. But we are here and we are alive. Not because of anything special we have done or any claim of our holiness or righteousness, it’s by just by His grace and mercy. There are so many who lost their lives battling illness and serious medical conditions, but we are here and we are alive. There are so many who were involved in road accidents and lost their loved ones, yet we are here and we are alive, never been in an accident/survived one/ saved from one. Believe me, there are so many battles that God fights for us behind the scenes without our knowledge.
So can we just take a minute to reflect on the goodness of God and say Thank you Jesus!
From the rising of the sun to the setting of the same, the name of the LORD is to be praised. Psalm 113
At the onset of 2023, I was elated and it was not your usual New Year excitement, nope, it was more than that. It was more profound, there was a deeper spiritual meaning to my excitement. Back in 2022, a bigger part of the last quarter of the year from September I started feeling restless, like there was more I could/should have been doing with my life but I wasn’t. I started looking back at my life and looking for big milestones that in my mind I thought I should have achieved by then but there were nowhere in my list of accomplishments. I will be honest to admit that this is not a beautiful space to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally or even socially. I started demeaning the journey of where I had come from and where I was at that point because I was not seeing anything good about the process.
I started feeling that some blessings had taken too long to come to fruition. I started basing my value and worth on the things I had hoped to accomplish by a certain age and because I wasn’t seeing them, I got into a space of anxiety and hopelessness paired with despair. I started gradually pulling away from the things of God, things that I loved, blogging, journaling, devotions…and even when I did those things, it was more of lamentations, lol. I was carrying this heavy weighted cloud of gloom and sadness with me, feeling like a total failure and disappointment to God and to myself. Looking back at the entries in my journal then and weeeeeh!! I was spiraling into a dark place. Below is an excerpt from 23/11/22:
Lord, I am struggling. I feel am stuck, stagnated. I should be doing so much but am so little. Am not disciplined, not dreaming, not exploring my potential, not pushing myself. Am settling for less, for comfort. Like I know what I should be doing but I don’t and I sit and envy people who are doing their best. What’s wrong with me? Why am I comfortable with little? Shock me. I need an awakening, a revival. I know you have grand plans for me. How do I move from here to there? I have dreams, Rhema word, passions and desires but my life isn’t reflecting it. Why? Am I in the process? Am I keeping you waiting? What do I need to do? Where do I need to be? Who do I need to be? I don’t like this feeling. I need a difference. Am not fasting, not praying, not doing my devotions. journaling, blogging or serving. I am incompetent. I am limited, grossly.
Another excerpt from 6/12/22:
I look at the gap between 2020 and 2022 and clearly I have stagnated. I look at who I was in 2018/2019 and who I am now and there is a total difference. I stopped serving, praying fervently, fasting, devotions, writing my goals, blogging, dreaming, chasing goals. I just lived, small and settled, content, did not stretch. I survived. I don’t like this lazy uninspired version of me. Of all the great potential God has placed in me, I shouldn’t be content in been small, little, insignificant. I need to awake the giant in me. What happened? I need fresh fire, revival, anointing
When it rains, it pours and that’s exactly how I was feeling and struggling with, alone in a storm. I knew who I am in Christ, where I am from, with God being my source. I knew why am here, what I can do and where I am going. But I just couldn’t figure out how to get unstuck from where I was. People say showing weakness is a sign of strength, but I think it’s not weakness, it’s vulnerability and to admit to the fact that you are vulnerable is a form of courage that challenges you to step up to deal with that problem. It isn’t a façade that I am invulnerable, no one is invulnerable. Am glad that Jesus loves taking messes and transforming them into masterpiece and that He never says ‘’this is the last time I am putting you back together”.
All through September to November 2022, I was wallowing in and out of that sad state but one thing was constant, I kept crying out to God asking Him to awaken me, revive me, touch me once more, and say another word that would fire me back to momentum. Let me tell you guys, God is super faithful. He sees all our cries, hears all our prayers and answers according to His will for us in the Kingdom. Mid November my sister invited me to join this weekly online fellowship she had been attending for a while since October and it was where God was directing her to settle as a home church. For a while I was reluctant but eventually I warmed up to the idea and attended one or two services before God connected me to the man of God who has obtained the grace from God. Our very first interaction, He made a declaration over my life: that there was a space that I wanted to step into and I have been hoping that the Lord will quicken me to it but it seems long overdue. That the Lord is opening that door and I would walk in that space pretty soon and much would begin to shift through this new space, a dimension of change and the Lord is unlocking my purpose and especially in my gifting’s and potential.
To say I was elated is an understatement, I cried my heart out because after a long while, I felt heard and seen by God and it was pure love washing me all over again. And true to God’s word, which never goes back in vain and always fulfils the purpose it was sent to accomplish, the Lord turned my situation around to the glory and honour of His name. December was marked by so many testimonies of His faithfulness ranging from family to work to ministry. When I crossed over into 2023, deep in my spirit I knew it was not just a physical crossing into a new year but it was a change of season: the end of closed doors and the dawn of a new era of open doors. 30th June 2023 and I am truly overwhelmed by God’s doing in my life in these 6 months, God has just been showing up and showing off on me.
I have seen the hand of God in my life and He has revived me and awakened the fire back on the altar. Am back to serving in church, the marriage ministry where has called us to be a light amidst the current darkness in this institution. My passions and dreams have been revived and am actively working on pursuing them from a Kingdom agenda. God has slowly disconnected me from relationships that were not aligned to Him and in return He has restored some divine relationships I had walked away from and connected me with new divine strategic relationships where we are all pursuing God together and keeping the fire of God burning amidst. Am back to journaling, dreaming, visions, fire for the word, am witnessing revival all around me, in my family and spaces. The list is so endless, I lack words: talk of divine favor, divine strategic connections and relationships, restoration, endless blessings and above all His Grace that carries me. Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us! 1 Samuel 7:12
All those feelings of restlessness, stagnation etc., He has/continues to deal with them and now I understand am on a journey to the glorious vision He showed me when I surrendered to him and accepted Him as my personal saviour and friend. I have come to understand that God will show you your vision but never tell you how to get there and there is a reason why. The vision is a glimpse of the end but there is a space between the end and where you are currently, that space is called the plan. The plan is the process that takes you to your destination. God will tell you your end like he showed Joseph in the dreams, the throne, the power with his brothers bowing doing to him. We all have dreams; we all have our end that He has revealed to us but God never tells us the plan because chances are we might tell Him to forget about the destination. If Joseph knew the pit and the prison was to come before the throne, he might have said forget about the throne. The plan is God’s secret. The plan is to prepare us for the destination so He takes us through all these phases to prepare and develop us.
So today am here to encourage you in the Lord, to urge you to put your trust in God even in the situations when what He has spoken don’t mirror your current situation. Any time you face a setback or the enemy sneaks in and whispers his deception, may you be encouraged that it is all part of the plan. Don’t panic, even your mistakes He will conform them to fulfil the purpose. Right now where you are may not be where you want to but it’s all part of the plan. God is working on character development, patience development, vision development etc. God is preparing you for what He has prepared for you.
God is faithful!