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Njeri Muthuya


2021 Prayers!

Day 29 of January, 2021; can you believe that we’ve come to the end of January already yet it feels like just the other day when we crossed over? I am glad to be alive and healthy on such a day, in such a season as this. The year still smells of its newness (for some of us, lol) with goals, dreams, hopes and desires for a fruitful, productive and prosperous year.

Am no different, am still super excited for the New Year. Yes I said it loud and clear, I’m super excited to see what God has in store for me. I am excited for the blessing of a new season after the year 2020 was.

Last year was gruesome on all levels, individually, as a family, as a community and all over the world. Personally I had my mountain high and rock bottom moments all throughout but am so grateful that God held me & carried me through it all and I crossed over 2021 hopeful, confident and assured in His promises, I crossed over in power and authority knowing that God never fails.

My 2021 declaration: This is the year of new birthing & manifestations, the year of divine positioning, divine acceleration and divine fruitfulness. These are my prayers for this year:

  • I will receive my manifestations in the year 2021 in the name of Jesus.
  • I will birth salvation in my family, community and country.
  • I will be aligned to the purposes of God.
  • I will fulfill positive prophecies that are aligned to God’s will.
  • I will be part of God’s remnant.
  • I will not suffer shame or defeat.
  • I will be divinely positioned.
  • I will bear much fruit; I will be fruitful in my area of calling.
  • I will experience the grace of divine fruitfulness.
  • I will live my life as a ministry to point and draw the world to Christ.
  • My relationship with God will take preeminence.
  • The Lord’s perfect will be fulfilled.
  • The pain I have gone through will work for good for God.
  • God will make everything I begin/pursue/put my heart and mind to in 2021 to shoot and grow because of divine speed and divine acceleration, for the glory and honor of His name.

I am confidently stepping out this year, not because of anything I am, far be it from it. I am not the best to ever do it, I’ve been broken, I’ve messed up, been a fool, am wretched but God breathed into my life when He chose me. There are people out here who are wiser, better, more articulate, more beautiful BUT God still chooses me and keeps me alive.  It’s not me. It’s never been me. It’s JUST GOD!

And for this reason am totally sold out to Christ and I don’t mind looking like a fool to the world. I just want to be a bridge between heaven and earth, to make God proud, to please Him and Him alone, to bring glory and honor to Him: not the glory of this world, nope…I want the kind of glory that will have me stand in the presence of my Savior.

These are my prayers for 2021: to be Kingdom focused, to be a Kingdom seeker and chaser and to fulfill the Kingdom of God, by His grace, strength and wisdom. So Cheers to living out loud and large for Christ by all means possible, to manifesting and being who God called us to be.




10th October 2020: Such a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, am seated at the balcony, basking & taking in as much sun as I can while enjoying the cool breeze, watching it ruffle the leaves of nearby trees and playing softly in the background is my favorite worship music. Today I’ve woken up (Thank you Jesus) and I am completely overwhelmed at how blessed I am, one of those days you take a deep breath and you don’t remember how tough the last couple of days/weeks/months have been, you don’t remember all the things that went wrong, you don’t remember all those prayers that remain unanswered; no, not today.

Today I woke up and allowed myself to be completely overwhelmed by all the good things that have happened, all the blessings I have, all the prayers that have been answered, all the miracles I’ve watched God perform… today I woke up and decided to soak in the goodness of Christ.

I haven’t blogged in a while and it’s not that I haven’t had time because if I wanted to I would have, it’s simply because I allowed myself to get caught up in the busyness of life and failed to prioritize silencing my mind enough to sit and listen to what God wants me to share. Today I decide that listening to God is my priority.

I haven’t been checking up on my loved ones as much as I should, maybe because I fashioned this comfortable cocoon that simply praying for them and seeing them online most times means they are okay. Today I choose to be intentional in reaching out and letting my love grow from a noun into verb- acting, doing and being present.

I haven’t been consistent in my T.A.G (Time Alone with God), waking up early in the morning to sit at the feet of the Master and order my steps and day according to His will, simply because fighting sleep has been such a mountain, lol. Today I choose to remember that faith as little as a mustard seed is enough to move any mountain and so in faith I commit to devoting the first thirty minutes of my morning to God.

I’ve finished reading the book of Psalms and it’s a bitter sweet moment: sweet because I’ve been consistent in my “Read the Bible in 1 year” goal and bitter because I realize how far I am from wholly adopting a spirit of gratitude and praise and constantly reflecting/meditating on God’s word at ALL TIMES, even in the midst of pain and suffering and attacks (my most profound lesson from the 150 Psalms). Today I choose to:

  1. Focus on the milestones I’ve made this far on this journey and not the long path that lies ahead. #CelebrateSmallWins.
  2. Fix my focus constantly on God and not on my world or the happenings around. I realize it’s so easy to get caught up and be flogged down my life but that happens when I magnify it over God. I choose to remind myself every day that I surrendered my life and the steering wheel to Him and my job is to keep Him at the Centre, allow Him to run the show and to not let my eyes stray away from Him.

Beginning of the year, as one of my traditions, I wrote my goals down, put up my vision board and drafted a game plan but Lord knows I haven’t been as zealous as I should have. Well for starters I was solely focused on planning my wedding, then the pandemic happened, psyche and drive went under, wedding was postponed, then settled for a Covid-19 wedding instead of the dream wedding (I’ll totally write about this someday). Seen a couple of jokes and memes how we shouldn’t count 2020 since the world came to a stop, lol and it would be so easy to blame the virus for unaccomplished goals and dreams. But truth of the matter is:

  1. There is some good that happened in the midst of it all, if you are open to learning.
  2. Despite the circumstances, the power to pursue what we wanted was in our hands and if we didn’t go after it, we only have ourselves to blame, not 2020.

So today I choose to get over my procrastination, dust my goals and dreams and focus on channeling my passion, my drive and all of my energy into the next 82 days and what I can achieve by God’s grace. How? Every day I will wake up and choose to make a small, easy and manageable 1% adjustment to a particular aspect of my life which will result in an 82% improvement at the end of the year. Life is all about the choices we make and I choose differently, I choose that:

  1. I will not be caught up mumbling and grumbling and lamenting about life; I will be more grateful for all I have.
  2. I will not blame circumstances around me when things don’t go right; I will take ownership and be responsible.
  3. I will not allow my priorities to be all mixed up; I will know what matters and live accordingly.
  4. I will not take for granted the people I love; I will be intentional in communicating and being present.
  5. I will not sit on my gifts, skills or talents; I will allow myself to be who God has called me to be and to let my light shine before men that they may see His good works and glorify God.

Prayer for Today

Dear Lord,

Always remind me that my joy comes from you and that I should always rejoice. Let the joy and rest I find in you be manifested in my life as a gentle and quiet spirit.

Always remind me to fight anxiety and worry by presenting my requests to you in prayer and petition with thanksgiving and to trust that You will work all things together for my good.

Always remind me that true peace that guards my heart and mind comes from you and you alone. Teach me to recognize and remain in peace even when my circumstances are anything but peaceful.

Always remind me to set my mind on things above, not on earthly things; whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—to think about such things.

Since that sums up to Jesus perfectly, all I really have to do is fix my eyes on you. Thank you for making it so simple, Lord.



Taking Stock!

The first week of August went down, the sun was out and shining, feeling great and happy and blessed and all amazing things wrapped in one. August you are blessed and so are we so how about we stop and take stock of that.

A: Appreciating each and every thing/moment, good, okay or bad because there’s something to learn and learning = growth.

B: Being present in the moment. Not living in the past, the “what could have been” and not dwelling in the future, the “what will be” but learning to live in the moment, appreciating and seeing the beauty in it all.

C: Counting my blessings every day and realizing that it’s the smallest blessings that paint a big miracle when taken into account.

D: Daring to dream big because my hope is anchored on a bigger God who does exceedingly abundantly above all I can ever ask, think or imagine.

E: Enjoying the little things like basking in the sunshine, midnight giggles, a smile from a stranger, warm hugs from loved ones.

F: Feeling excited that my birthday is coming up very soon, four months to be precise and I’ll be ushered into third floor.

G: Growing gradually at the pace set before me and appreciating every milestone on the way.

H: Having the peace of God guard my heart and mind that even when the tempest is raging and the billows are tossed high, am reminded that the winds and waves obey His will.

I: In love, so totally in ♥

J: Jamming to this dope Jersualema song by Master KG ft Nomcebo Jerusalema ikhaya lami… Never misses in my morning playlist.

K: Keeping fit, well trying to. I’ve only gained one kilo in the last two months, not bad aye,hehe.

L: Learning how to drive, finally. I know, don’t judge. I have procrastinated this for so long but this chicken has come home to roost.

M: Marriage is beautiful ♥ . So glad I waited on God.

N: Not afraid of being totally sold out to Christ, even if it means that He is all I gush about, I can’t help it.

O: Onto that feel good vibe. August will be a great month.

P: Parenting has been on my mind lately, I feel am in a season of preparation where God is revealing some amazing lessons and am excitedly learning.

Q: Quiet moments after a long hard day are to die for, be it in the shower listening to music or sitting down to have devotions and journal. Learning to quiet your heart and mind in the midst of chaos is a milestone.

R: Remembering to be intentional in reaching out to my circle and loved ones. Am not good at calling and checking up (totally prefer texting and chatting) but that won’t be an excuse anymore. Not perfect but we keep trying to be the best. If I can’t do it for the ones I love, who will it be for?

S: Shining in my own little way and being a ray of sunshine to others when I can.

T: Trying to grow my hair and at the same time trying to be an enthusiastic naturalista because weeeeh.

U: Understanding that everyone has a story to tell and most times how they treat you isn’t a reflection of you but of their journey in their story.

V: Vacating empty dreams, empty bonds, empty efforts, all things empty because I want to live a full life.

W: Watching alot of series and football because it’s his love and he is mine.

X: (e)xercise.. Refer to K,lol..

Y: Yaaaay.. You owe it to yourself to be happy. You determine your choices. You charter your path. You passionately pursue what moves you. You live boldly, unashamedly and unapologetic.

Z: Ze best. That’s what I wake up telling myself to be.


Have a beautiful weekend and lots of love!


Journeying through the Bible

First day of August, yaaaaay… Happy new month, excited for new beginnings which always signifies a fresh start and hope for better days. Am looking forward to a lot this month, nothing big or fancy, just a desire to get back on track in achieving my goals and vision because I’ve come to the realization that if I don’t achieve what I purposed, that’s on me, can’t blame the pandemic or any other external forces, lol.

One of my main goals in 2020 was to read the bible in one year and thanks to my Trinity Chapel Ruiru E-group, the journey has been fun and fulfilling. I’ve just finished the book of Kings, 12 books y’all ; just writing that number makes me so excited at how consistent I have been in this challenge and by all means all glory goes back God; I wouldn’t have done this on my own strength. In summary, the books of Genesis to Kings tell a story of the rise & fall of the Israelites and the amazing journey they take in between. For me it paints a picture of three key things. One, wayward children who continually forget the covenant they have been called into, two, a very faithful God who is fiercely loyal to those who obey Him and thirdly the journey of becoming. I am inspired to look back and share the nuggets that stood out for me so here we go.

Friendship with God is beautiful

Reading through the story of Abraham made me desire a closer more intimate walk with God because without doubt He treasures a relationship with us. Abraham was never afraid to express himself and share his thoughts with God so much to the point where God also comfortably shared His plans with him. (Genesis 18: 16-33) and Abraham had the confidence of engaging/sort of questioning/sort of making God change His mind, that was mind blowing for me. David was a man after God’s heart; he pursued God wholeheartedly and learnt how to fully depend on Him for everything. He had his flaws but he never let that pull him away from God’s presence, his heart remained broken and contrite before God. And God in return never turned His back away from him. He remained faithful to the covenant He made with David despite the failures and disobedience in between. Even when his predecessors failed God and their hearts were not devoted to Him, God made sure that David’s lineage still remained in the throne. God honors those who pursue Him wholeheartedly.

Generational cycles exist

From the lineage of Abraham, the story tells how he passes down generational blessings which are exceptional but sadly he also passed down a pattern of lies and infidelity/sleeping with slaves to bear children. Abraham lied to Abimelek that Sara was just his wife and a few chapters down the line, Isaac repeats the same lie to the same guy then Jacob turned out to be a crafty liar who lied his way into Esau’s birthright. There was a pattern of barrenness passed down from Sarah, to Rebekah and Rachel. Moses inherited a generational anger/temper from the Levi lineage which in the end led to his downfall. David slept with another man’s wife and later on his own son Absalom slept with his father’s concubines. These patterns/cycles could be either good or bad but the most definite thing was these patterns were handed down from one generation to the next. Which led me thinking, what behaviors/patterns or legacy have been handed down to me and what will I hand down to my lineage, my children and my children’s children?

Trusting God with the process

The story of Joseph is one painted by jealousy, betrayal, slavery and ultimately ascent into power and authority which reflects that with God it doesn’t matter your circumstances, His will always prevails. With God, you will thrive anywhere you are put, whether it’s a pit, prison, palace, anywhere, you name it, but you will always succeed because His hand is upon you. It may take time to get to where God wants you to be; Abraham was 100 when he got a child, Joseph spent 13 years in slavery before he ascended into power, David was anointed to be king but it took him years of running away from death before he was enthroned as king. Everything God does is never in vain; it is part of a well calculated plan in His perfect will and purpose. Like Joseph said in Genesis 50: 20 as he addressed his brothers, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” We just have to trust Him that He has our backs and His plans may lead us into pain but they are never to harm us.

The little foxes will cost you

Moses was an exceptional leader who led the Israelites out of Egypt, witnessed first-hand the great miracle of the Red sea, God’s physical presence leading them along the journey, God’s provision of manna, quail and water in the desert…I mean he saw everything that would daze me, but guess what, he never made it into the Promised Land. Why? He never dealt with his temper issues, his temper made him hit a rock instead of talking to it as instructed by God (Exodus 20:1-13) , his temper made him break the tablets which God had personally inscribed the ten commandments on. David was supposed to be at war like his fellow kings but on that particular day he wanted to Netflix and chill which led him to sleep with a married woman, kill the innocent husband and eventually God punished him by letting the son born out of that sin die. We are always told it’s the little things that matter so what little thing am I entertaining that could lead to my ultimate fall? It may seem insignificant at the moment but a series of little cracks on a foundation could make a whole tower crash down.

Feed your faith, starve your fear

Numbers 13 and 14, the story of the spies who were sent out to explore the land of Canaan is a clear demonstration of the power of faith over fear. 12 spies went out at the same time, witnessed the same thing but came back with two extremely different reports, one loaded with fear and horror and the other dripping in faith and confidence in God. The Israelites chose to believe the fear filled report and they grumbled out to God to the point of wanting to stone Moses and Aaron. In the end, it cost their lives because only the two spies who had the faith filled report crossed over into Canaan. Despite all God had done for them, displaying His glory, miraculous signs and wonders, they still doubted God’s ability to save them. Faith always wins especially in the journey of walking with God; faith is the currency we need to operate on. There will be moments when fear strikes but there is never a reason to doubt if you know who God is and know that He is on your side.

Serving God demands total separation

The one thing that made the Israelites repeatedly fail in keeping God’s decrees was their association with the tribes that did not know God which led them to being enticed into idolatry. Anytime God gave them victory over a new territory, they were required to totally destroy anything that did not honor God but little by, they failed at this and ended up worshipping baal, sacrificing their children, defiling the temple of God… the list is endless. Reading through the story of the kings who succeeded David, both the good ones and the bad ones, they all failed in one thing and that was they failed to remove the high places so the people continued to offer sacrifices and incense to gods. The journey of faith is a clear white or black/hot or cold scenario without room for gray areas or for being lukewarm. It’s either you are fully in or not because God demands we give Him our all or nothing at all. There should be zero tolerance to anything that goes against the word of God and we are reminded that we should live our lives without any hint of sin. Will this be easy in a world that’s fallen? Definitely not but that’s why we have a helper, the Holy Spirit to guide us and teach us how to walk in the spirit and not the flesh.

Your past doesn’t matter

When God calls you, He already knows where you are coming from, what you have done and haven’t done what you are capable of doing, He knows all these things and still He calls you because none of that matters to Him. When He calls you, your tribe doesn’t matter, your profession doesn’t matter, all He needs is a heart that is willing to obey and trust Him. Moses murdered the Egyptian but God still used him to redeem His people. Samson went against God’s laws and defiled himself with the Philistines but in the end when he called to God just before he died, God answered him and he had a might victory, bigger than any he had ever had. Ruth was a Moabite but she chose to abandon her people, her gods, her way of life to turn to the one and true God. Rahab was a prostitute who helped the spies when they explored the enemies’ camp and they were both rewarded by being placed in the lineage of Christ. Yep, you read right, the prostitute and the outsider made it to the genealogy of Jesus. How amazing is that? If you allow God, He turns your pain into your purpose because all things work together for good and for God’s glory and honor.

Reading the word of God is such a gem because I get to see through the lives of these men and women, I get to see new revelations of God, I get to understand Him in a deeper way leading me closer and closer to Him and am glad am on this journey. If you aren’t on this journey, I encourage you to jump in and it will be worthwhile. YouVersion is a great app that makes reading the bible so much fun and engaging, it gives you a word of the day and endless bible plans on any topic you could think of plus you can walk this journey with friends which helps in accountability. Try it and be blessed, I know I am!

Cheers to the new month, cheers to being motivated and energized to set and smash goals, cheers to keeping a grateful spirit in all things and above all cheers to letting go and letting God. Nothing more beautiful than living in the warmth embrace of Christ!!


2020: Grace, Growth and Gratitude!

Today is the 199th day of the year and this is my very first blog post of the year.  Yep, I haven’t written in a couple of months and I feel like I need to set the record straight and share that am still very happily born again and crazily in love with Christ, lol. There is absolutely no way the devil will take away that testimony from my lips. Nothing I ever do or go through will surpass the great sacrifice Jesus paid on the cross for me and how am forever in awe that He loved me at my very worst and He has promised that nothing will ever separate me from His unconditional love. If that’s the only testimony I will ever have, then it’s absolutely more than enough for me.

It feels like it’s been 20 months already since we crossed over from 2019. I don’t know about you but this is definitely not how I envisioned the year would be because it’s certainly not playing out the way I planned it. And trust me, I had plans, small plans, big plans, all sort of plans, intricate planned details of how the first four months would be. I was excited going about implementing them until Corona quietly sneaked in the picture and sat smug right in the middle, bringing everything to a halt. I look back at how things changed in a snap and I can’t help but laugh out, of course now I can smile but back then, it was nothing but a bunch of broken dreams and crashed hopes reeking of devastation. In fact if I could give 2020 a name, it would be the roller coaster year.

“Man makes plans and God laughs”

2020 was going to be my year, that was what I started the year claiming in faith , I had focused on everything I desired and wanted from it then slowly God in His divine ways made the world stop and it dawned on me that my focus had been on everything else but HIM. It’s pretty amazing how He managed to “shut down” the entire world and turned our heads and hearts back to focusing on Him and His superiority over all. It’s amazing how the human race was forced on its knees and we acknowledged that it’s not our own wisdom or strength that keeps us going but it’s indeed His grace and mercies which sustain us. Science couldn’t give us answers, civilization, wealth; political stability wasn’t the solution either. Maybe the world needed a disease to make us realize how sick we were so we could turn our focus on God and be truly healed.

You can make many plans BUT the Lord’s purpose will prevail. Psalms 19:21

After spending the entire of April and a bit of May lamenting,lol..I stopped weeping and mourning the loss of what would have been, got up, washed my face and embraced the life I had. I realized I couldn’t dwell on what couldn’t be undone and that I still had God on my side, all I had to do was trust that He knew every single detail of my life, how it plays out, how nothing catches Him by surprise and ultimately how all things work together for my good. I mean He had never failed me before, why would He start now? Changing my mindset and focus towards God was such a welcoming breath of fresh air. Before you get to judging me, it’s not like I didn’t know from the onset that this was the correct posture for me, nope, on the contrary this was one of the lessons God has been trying to teach me since 2018. A lesson I thought I had been to enough classes and done quite well, exceptional if I must say but no one knows the heart more than God and oh what a deceitful lil sneaky organ it is.

Turns out I hadn’t grasped the lesson and needed a few remedial classes here and there to let it sink in. 2020 isn’t all that bad if am to now admit, after much hindsight and retrospection, I believe the year is playing out JUST EXACTLY how it was meant to be and its upon us to seize the moment, grab the lesson and run with it as bravely as we can. 2020 hasn’t been such a roller coaster as much as it has been a season of grace, growth and gratitude.


A lot has happened in our lives and  in the world these past couple of months and there is a general sense of darkness and gloom everywhere making it so easy to get caught up in that wave of sadness and heaviness. I believe there is equally so much more to be grateful for and if we carefully think things through, you’ll find there is so much goodness that surpasses the gloom. At times the blessings are in the tiniest and simplest of things.

I don’t take for granted waking up every morning and being able to take in a deep breath, knowing there is someone out there depending on a ventilator. I don’t take it for granted that I have a place I can call home, a safe haven from the cold and darkness, a place glowing in love and joy. I don’t take it for granted that I have food to eat and I can get choosy on what I want to eat based on my hormones or mood at that particular moment, knowing very well that for someone out there, a choice is a luxury.

May I never be so blinded again, caught up in my world, my desires and needs that I fail to notice how God so lavishly pours His grace and mercies every morning in my life.

May I never forget that it should have been me hanging on that cross, shamed and cursed but His grace was sufficient.

May I never forget that it could have been me killed in that accident, dying from that illness, abandoned and alone in the world, betrayed and left with a broken heart, so many could have, should have been scenarios but God, things could have been worse but God…I don’t deserve to be alive but God.. These trials and tribulations could have broken me into pieces but God… The enemy would have crushed me and had the last laugh but God…


When I was a little girl growing up seemed so much fun and I couldn’t help fantasize about it and becoming like my big sisters, cool gang and all. Then it happened and after I was done growing physically, it dawned on me there was so much to growth and it wasn’t fun and games, some lessons were tough, cruel, some gut wrenching and heartbreaking. You can’t fight it, it’s inevitable, you can postpone it to your loss but the lessons are worth embracing.

2020 came with its fair share of pain and lessons. I lost friends who I thought were down for me but turns out it was a one sided entanglement, hehe and the detangling was dramatic to say the least. In the same breathe, I gained amazing friends who turned to be such a blessing and I’ve learned God never takes away something and fails to replace it with something better.

I’ve learned that at the end of the day if God and family is all I have left, then I am more than blessed.

I’ve learned that at times God will answer my prayers, not in the way I expected Him to, but in His own divine ways which always turns out way better than my imagination.

I’ve learned that when things don’t go my way, my energy and emotions should be spent thanking God for what He is doing beyond my understanding because many are the times He doesn’t let me witness the battles He is fighting for me.


Above all am learning how to always be deeply and truly grateful at all times, in all things and in all moments. Nothing beats a cold gloomy day more than a cheerful and grateful heart. When you learn to see the blessings in everything, big and small then you live a content, satisfied and fulfilled life. Why? Because you’re never waiting for a moment to feel alive, you are present and enjoying every second of it.

I believe no one can stand and claim they have nothing to give thanks for; God has blessed each and every one of us in our own unique ways. The challenge human beings face is we constantly look over the other person’s life, wanting and desiring what they have, forgetting that we are all blessed differently, our paths and stories are different and our seasons are never the same. Comparison robs you of the delight of enjoying the season you are in.

2020 has taught me there is so much I have and have been blessed with, some I never was conscious of but I’ve slowed down to appreciate it all. I am not perfect, I make my good share of goof ups and mistakes but am so grateful God never writes me off and He’s always there to hold my hand and lead me in His good perfect pleasing will.

If there’s anything that these last six months have heavily reinforced for me is that I would rather be in the storm with God than anywhere else alone. Being saved isn’t an assurance that things will sail smoothly always, far be from it. The weapons will be formed against us, the world will hate us, we will be mocked and laughed at, they will sarcastically ask where our God was when calamities hit the earth, we will always be misunderstood and they will be our sworn enemies. Our secret lies in keeping our eyes firmly on Christ, not looking to the right or left and wavering in faith but solely focusing on Jesus and being of great cheer at all times knowing we are assured of victory just like He overcame the world. And if this world becomes such a dread, am grateful I have an assurance of a better place, an eternity with Christ, now what could beat that??

Six months to the end of the year and am excited to see what God has in store. At this point I’ll admit I don’t know what that will be but you can never go wrong with God. Where He leads, I will follow. #Surrendered&Grounded



My 2019 Reflections!

A couple of hours to the end of 2019: Breathe in ……exhale!

God is indeed faithful and being alive at this very moment is a testimony of His never ending goodness, a testimony of His never failing mercies with every dawn, a testimony of His endless, priceless, unconditional love and a testimony of His grace that covers and carries us every second of our lives.

2019 has had its ups and down without a doubt, its seasons of mountain tops and bottom valleys, its season of laughter and tears, seasons of rock staunch faith and waves of doubt and unbelief, its seasons of high end success and downright failures, you name it. But here we are standing, chin high up like the overcomers we are.

If the Lord was not on our side, we would have certainly never made this to this end. The fact that we are alive today is a blessing and an assurance that God is not done with us, He has a plan for our lives and His plans will be fulfilled, not because of who we are or what we have done or how deserving we are but simply because of who He is, He is God, period.

I don’t know how your year has been but if I could describe 2019 for me, it would be an year of overwhelming blessings, love and support against all odds, an year of losing & gaining ,an year of pain, loss and heartbreak and an year of growing, failing and learning. What have I learnt in 2019? A lot, lol but what really stood out for me was a couple of lessons am delighted to share so here’s my 2019 in a nutshell;

  1. Embrace your season:

If am to be honest, I have struggled to learn and accept this lesson because truth be told, it’s a tough one especially when I had tagged my hopes and expectations on my plans, desires and goals to run on my very own timeline forgetting that I am not in control of time. There are dreams I hoped by now would have come to fruition, get married at a certain age, buy a car at this time, travel to that destination by a certain month, buy that land and settle down, get that promotion by that year, build and run my business, write that book… the list is endless. Every morning I jumped out of bed, looked at my vision board and geared myself up armed with my dreams and passions but at the end of it all, I didn’t accomplish all I had wanted for myself. I ended up struggling with feelings of despair, feeling too little, feeling like I wasn’t fighting too hard or I was dreaming too big, beating myself up for not becoming who I thought I wanted to be.

“Every season is one of becoming but not always blooming. Be gracious with your ever evolving self.”

I thank God that as I reflect back on my 2019, I can confidently say that I’ve come to appreciate that there is a reason for every season and if am patient enough and armed with a teachable spirit, I’ll grow and be fruitful in and out of season. God never allows us to pass through a certain phase in life in vain because He has promised us that all things work together for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. My circumstances may not look like I envisioned, I may not accomplish the goals I aspired and that’s perfectly okay because in its season, at His timing, He will make all things beautiful. God is not a man that He should lie, whatever He has promised me, though it may tarry, will come to pass.

I’ve learned to work in tandem with God’s season and not run around trying to achieve things outside His will. I’ve learned to hold on tight to the dreams He placed in my heart, knowing that one day, despite the heartbreaks in between, the fatigue and brokenness of waiting in season, He will keep His word because He is faithful and never goes back against it. I’ve learned to constantly seek His face, His voice and to hide myself in His word.

  1. Celebrating Milestones:

I don’t know if this happens to you but personally I have struggled with seeing the positive amidst disappointments. It’s almost as if my mind always zooms in on what went wrong, what didn’t go as expected, what would have been and I fail to look back and appreciate the progress I am making or count the numerous blessings that I already have. Yes 2019 didn’t entirely go the way I wanted but there are some beautiful turns it took that gave me the best moments I ever could wish for. Am learning that even the little steps in between count because they signify growth and at the end, am not where I wanted to be and thankfully am also not where I was in the beginning.

“It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings happiness”

Count your blessings; Name them one by one.

Count your blessings; See what God has done.

Count your blessings; Name them one by one.

And you’ll be surprised to see what God has done.

 I’ve learned/still learning to choose what it is I focus on because ultimately it ends up being magnified. I choose to see the good in all my circumstances, I choose to appreciate each and every milestone I make, I choose to see the good in people and believe that deep down lies the best version of themselves, I choose to not be hard on myself all the time and to pause and laugh in between, to remember that one failure or delay doesn’t equate to my identity. I choose to be the one who defines what success means to me, and not allow the world to define me. If I try out and fall, I choose to stand, dust up, pat myself on the back for the courage displayed then hit the road and try again because I chose to not be crippled by fear but rather be empowered in faith.

  1. Grace in abundance:

If it wasn’t for God’s grace, I don’t know where I would have been today because a million times I’ve failed over and over & Still His mercy remains and I’m caught in His grace. I have had my seasons in 2019 where I doubted God’s plan for my life, where I wavered in unbelief and my faith was shaken to the core. Like Jonah, I too have tried running away from Him when things got too tough and needed to be as far away as possible. There are days I didn’t want to pray, read my bible, attend church service, days I even doubted if I was called to serve in ministry but looking back , boy am I glad that even in my moments of weaknesses and foolishness, God never turns His back against me. That despite what I do, my identity still remains intact in His sight, I am still His child and He loves me with such a pure unconditional love.

My walk of faith isn’t all roses and petals, I fail, I fall but I’ll tell you what it is for sure, the one constant that rests my heart and that is God’s unending grace. In the midst of it all. God covers me, He loves me, He gives me another chance, He rescues me and He saves me.

Salvation isn’t for the perfect ones, those who have life figured it out, nope…after all Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He doesn’t expect us to clean up and come to Him, He is calling us to come to Him as we are, in the thick of our mess and our weaknesses because that’s when His strength is best displayed.

“God does not need your strength: He has more than enough of power of His own. He asks for your weakness: He has none of that Himself, and He is longing, therefore, to take your weakness, and use it as the instrument in His own mighty hand. Will you not yield your weakness to Him, and receive His strength?”

  1. Loving Unconditionally:

Since I accepted Christ as my personal Savior back in 26th May 2016 (whew, see God) I came face to face with what unconditional love felt like, a love like none other I had ever experienced, a love I had been searching for all along in the wrong places and arms. I was a hot mess, all broken and hurt, carrying a tonne of baggage, heartbreak, bitterness and anger, battling rejection, covered in guilt and shame BUT He still embraced me as I was. He loved me, picked me up, cleansed me and gave me a new identity in Him, one that was no longer tied to where I had come from or what I had done. I grew to fall in love with Him more and more every day and it was beautiful until it dawned on me that I had to extend the same love back to other people.

To be honest, people aren’t all that kind and good all the time, lol…sometimes they hurt you, offend you, irk you, poke you and God still expects us to extend the same hand He did to us. This has been a tough lesson, living out God’s love practically: being patient, being kind, not being envious, not being boastful, not being prideful, not being rude, not being self-seeking, not being easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs, not delighting in evil but rejoicing in truth.

This kind of love is impossible if you are not anchored in God because He is love. I have being hurt by people and I struggled with forgiving. I have watched people repeat offenses and I struggled with being patient and not keeping a record of their wrongs. I’ve had people treat me wrong, say mean things and I’ve struggled to keep silent and not lash out rude and unkind words. I’ve battled with pride and thinking am better than other people, I’ve secretly battled the green eyed monster called jealousy and envied other people’s journeys and successes.

It’s a journey and am learning that if Christ found me at my darkest, loved me at my worst and forgave all my transgressions, I need to do the same for others. That is what we call extended grace and is the journey of being transformed to become Christ like…more and more of Christ. If we can’t give to others what we have freely received, then I beg to ask, who are we looking up to, Christ or the world? If we can’t love people at their lowest, if we can’t embrace them, flaws and all, who are we reflecting? Do unto others as Christ has done for you.

  1. God’s will nonetheless:

Losing a loved one takes a toll on you and in 2019, my heart was broken twice and I struggled with grief and accepting loss. The first loss was watching my best friend lose her husband of four years. I remember receiving that phone call and wishing it was the death of someone else, a relative but not him. Life is very short, one morning you are with your loved one and the next they are no more, no warning, no hint or clue, no goodbye, nothing… just emptiness and heartaches and grief. His death was so sudden and cruel, a hit and run accident, the driver didn’t even stop to salvage the situation, rectify his mistake and save a life.

For a while I battled with being bitter at God, I had so many unanswered questions, Why him? Why now? How would she cope? Why did their two year old boy have to grow up without his dad? I hadn’t figured out the answers when my heart was broken again in a span of two months, another loss, same tragedy-a hit and run accident, rushed to hospital, taken to ICU. Difference with the second case is we had a chance to plead in prayer and ask God to save his life and restore him back, we took turns in praying round the clock, alternating every two hours but he still passed on. I wasn’t bitter anymore with God, I was raged and furious, I mean didn’t He hear our prayers? Was He unable to save him? Why did he have to die so young? I was so broken inside, for a month I didn’t step to church, I looked fine on the outside but deep down my heart was crying.

As I write this, am at peace with the loss and with God because He remains God and He does what is best for us, His thoughts are way above ours, and we’ll never grasp all He does. I’ve stopped fighting His will. I don’t have all the answers, but I trust Him and I know He knows what He is doing. I’ve accepted I don’t have to know or understand His plans, all I need is to trust in Him.

Do I know how to handle grief? No, I still haven’t grasped this but I rest in this simple truth, I can be real with Him because we have a relationship, I can bare my grief, my anger, my rage, my pain, my heartbreak and it will never surprise Him or make Him change the way He feels about me, what we have is an eternal love.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

As I bid goodbye to the year 2019, I look back at the year and all I can say is through it all my eyes are on God and it is well with me because my soul has learnt to let go and trust in God.

If 2019 has been the best year ever for you, we celebrate and give thanks to God.

If 2019 hit you the hardest, wounded you, kicked you down, be encouraged that ALL IS NOT LOST. You are still alive because God has a beautiful plan for your life. You may not see it now, you may not feel it now but rest in this: God’s not done with you!!

To God be the Glory!