Inspiration

Everyone has preferences of the partner they would like e.g. tall, dark and handsome. Does giving your life to Jesus mean giving up on those preferences?

A friend asked me this question the other day and the first answer that came to my mind was that giving your life to Christ means having His preferences over yours. I sensed a bit of fear on his end about this topic, it felt like something he had been mulling over for a while but he held back from making that crucial decision. I know this because he’s been very inquisitive about my walk of faith and thus we’d been sharing a lot on it. The question didn’t get me off guard but it made me reflect back on what it meant, for me, to give my life to Christ.

Most people are afraid about giving their lives to Christ, for one reason or the other. Some fear they will lose control over their lives. Some fear they will be forced to live a bored life. Some fear their imperfections will hinder them from living a righteous life. So many reasons have been given to justify our fears but if we take a keen look at the source of all these fears, it goes back to us; we have placed ourselves on a pedestal and made the focus all about ourselves. It’s all about us, we will fail, we will get bored, we are not good enough, we, we, we… It’s no wonder then why we fail because we, with all our flaws and imperfections, have set ourselves as the standard thus we are doomed to fall short.

Any time we place ourselves as the objects of attention we should brace ourselves for failure. Because that is akin to pride, worshiping ourselves (self-glorification). Pride is self-obsession, pride is preoccupation with ourselves; our successes (self-exaltation), rubbing our successes in others faces (self-promotion) and ultimately pride is the origin of sin. Some may argue and say the reason am afraid to give myself to Christ is because am too imperfect, am worthless, I don’t deserve His love, how can this be termed as pride? Well am afraid that it is pride as well because pride is not only about focusing on our strengths, it also takes form when we beat ourselves too hard for our failures (self-degradation/self-demotion).

Whether we are obsessed about our successes or about our failures, bottom line is, we are still thinking about ourselves, we are still obsessed with ourselves and that is pride.

What does surrendering my life to Christ therefore mean to me?

It means I take a humble bow and acknowledge on my own, I can’t hack it and I need Christ in totality. It means I come off my high horse; I come off the pedestal and put God at the centre of it all. It means I completely forget all about myself (self-forgetfulness), stop fixing the focus on myself (die to self), and I focus on God. It means I choose the path of humility as opposed to the path of pride because the bible is very clear God’s stand regarding pride. He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. 1^st Peter 5:5 Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Does this mean I lose myself in the process?

I don’t think of it as losing myself, I think of it more like getting an upgrade to the best version of me.

In my weaknesses, He perfects His strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

In place of my heavy burdens, He gives me His light yoke; He gives me rest. Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

In place of all my worries and anxieties, He gives me peace. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In place of my mourning, He comforts me and gives me the oil of Joy. In place of ashes, He bestows on me a crown of beauty. In place of despair, He gives me a garment of praise. He calls me His oak of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, for the display of His splendour. Isaiah 61:1-3

Do I need to be perfect?

No. God does not need your strength; He has more than enough of power of His own. He asks for your weakness; He has none of that himself and He is longing, therefore, to take your weakness, and use it as the instrument in His own mighty hand. Will you not yield your weakness to him, and receive his strength?

What happens to my dreams? My desires?

God gives us dreams and desires that burn so passionately within us. If He will not fulfil them, He’ll take away the desire. Even before we were born, even before we were conceived in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us, He set us apart. He has great plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a future and hope.

All our plans, desires and dreams put together cannot match up to the great destiny God predestined for us. So if I was to choose between the two, I definitely choose God’s will, God’s plans, God’s way for my life because ultimately, am choosing the best.

It doesn’t mean I gave up on my tall dark and handsome preference, (Lord knows we debated about this for a while because I was so stuck on choosing the outward appearance over the inner beauty, lol), I learnt my lesson and am excitedly watching Him fulfil the desires of my heart.

The best part of my walk of faith has been letting go and letting God. I let go of the reins in my life and I gained freedom; freedom from worry, freedom from anxiety that things are not going right. It’s more of I stepped out of the driver’s seat, I let Jesus take the wheel and I settled at the back left. So now am easy, we are cruising at His pace. I don’t need to be all worried about which path to walk, which decision to make, which turn to take, that’s all entirely on Christ, the driver of my life. He knows what’s best and I know Him, period!

It sounds easy? I know, lol. But it is easy, trust me..

Wait don’t trust me, Trust Christ. That is the absolute surrender!

“Today in my morning devotion, my heavenly Daddy and I had a one on one talk (He even made sure He woke me up way before the alarm, lol). I knew this was coming so I didn’t want to make excuses or justifications or debate my way out of it. I fell flat on my face and openly confessed that I had failed and fallen then shut my eyes tightly and waited for Him to lash out.

God: Baby girl, am not mad at you and you know it. I love you unconditionally despite your imperfections. I love you even when you fail and fall. Am not looking at where you fell, I need you to look at where you first lost your footing.

Then He took me back months ago when I first slipped, when I treaded on the slippery slope and skid but didn’t fall, when I managed to wobble about and get back to stability.  That was when I should have gotten off that road, I should have known that this wasn’t going to go down well in the end. That was when I compromised a little, I let my guard down a little, I bent my standards just a little. And I thought to myself, well it’s just a little, I can handle it. I can skid a little but won’t fall down. Silly I now know, lol.. Because a little of this and a little of that and a little of everything in between led me to fall flat on my behind.

He led me to this verse Proverbs 24:33-34 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man. You just don’t wake up poor, you gradually walk yourself to poverty by the little things you do repeatedly. You don’t fall in sin at once, it’s the lil things you allow to distract you, the lil things you compromise on and suddenly one day you are knee deep in the mud wailing and wondering how the devil trapped you. Let’s be honest, some times we are our own worst enemies and it has nothing to do with the enemy. Some battles the devil knows he doesn’t need to fight us on because we will be our own downfall ultimately.

Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. If you ever for a moment think that a lil compromise won’t do any harm, try taking one little fox, set its tail on fire and let it run loose on your field. It’s the lil spark that creates a raging fire, it’s that one matchstick that can bring down a forest. Be very careful of the little foxes and the little things, they may seem little at the moment until it all blows up.”

I had this conversation with my Heavenly Father in the beginning of the month and I find it amazing that as the month ends, the Holy Spirit is revisiting the topic and urging me to share this message.

I tend to believe that we don’t accidentally fall in sin. It’s always a slow progression of events. “I woke up and found myself in his bed or I found myself at the club drinking”…these are excuses we craft to make ourselves feel better. James 1:14-15 “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death”

It always starts in our minds and if we allow it, it gradually leads to a slow fade, which reminds me this song by Casting Crowns, Slow Fade:

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white are turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattering leads to compromises, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises leave broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white are turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

The big question we (Him and I) were deliberating on was; How then do you walk away from the little compromises?I believe that on our own strength, we can’t fight off sin and temptation, on our own we fail and we fail successfully. That’s why we need to be anchored on Christ, the One who has never failed, the One who walked on earth, fully human as well as fully God, the One who was also tempted, like we often are and the One who overcame all victoriously. Hebrews 2:17-18 So He had to be made like His brothers in every way, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, in order to make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted.

Jesus knows what it feels to be tempted, He knows all about our weakness, He knows all about our struggles and He is willing to guide us to the end. The mere fact that He was tempted in every way and yet was without sin makes him able to sympathize with our weaknesses. This alone encourages us to approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16).

If we choose to focus on our own sins, on our failures, our weaknesses we will forever remain scared of the magnitude of our imperfections, which will always tower over us like giants. The more we think to ourselves that we need to quit that bottle, that addiction, that toxic relationship, that negative crowd by our own strength, the more we will feel little and helpless in comparison to the weight of that burden and the more we will sink in deeper.

I know this too well because for years I struggled to live right, to walk away from certain addictions and labels, to stay saved but the more I tried to by myself, the more I failed miserably. So for years I would go to church, be convicted by the sermon, decide to surrender to God then that same afternoon I’d be back in bed, sleeping with the enemy. I can’t even count the number of times I got saved because its as numerous as the stars in the sky. This happened for so long it became a vicious cycle of getting out for a few days, making a few steps forward then plunging back right in, deeper in sin than I was before I left; the story of chasing out one evil spirit then seven more vicious ones coming back to inhabit a vacuum.

It was only until I truly surrendered my heart and life to Christ, until I allowed Him to come dwell in my heart, fill that empty hollow I was trying so hard to fill on my own, it was only until then that I was able to overcome and live victorious. I had to stop looking at my sins and look up to Christ. I had to stop making an idol of my imperfections and look up to the God of perfection for my deliverance. I had to stop fighting on my strength and let Christ be my strength. And I think that’s where most of us believers fail at, we think we can do all things and forget that it’s only through Christ. The beauty about choosing God and setting your focus on Him is that He begins to change you from the inside out, which ultimately reflects on the outside for all to see.

God is light and in Him, there is no darkness. 1^st John 1:5 .When we allow Him to dwell in our lives and we surrender the reigns of control over to Him, He begins to dispel the darkness and eventually we become the light of the world, not because of any glittery glow of our own but because we are redeemed.

If today you feel like you are drowning in darkness, stop fighting the shadows; shadows are merely the absence of light. Invite the Light in, Choose God and watch the darkness melt away!

I’ve been under the weather this entire week, literally, nursing a cold and a bad case of tonsillitis. You know those flare ups you get when you indulge in too much sugar, all in the name of celebrating birthdays, and you console yourself it’s once in an year so you can’t hold out, lol??. Yep, that’s your girl.

So I’ve been indoors all week, dolled up in warm clothes and blankets, you’d think I was hibernating in an igloo ?‍. Thank God for my family who took some time off to come keep me company which made the whole experience feel like one big sleep over filled with lots of laughter. I don’t take it for granted that I have people who can see me at my worst, when am fussy and moody and grumpy but still think the best of me.

My oldest nephew, who grew a few inches taller than me (okay it’s more than a few inches, it’s way waaaay taller but this is my post and I’ll decide how tall you’ll be, ?) and nowadays literally looks down at me while we’re talking, wouldn’t let me sit still. Both him and our youngest nephew (1 year and six months, such an adorable munchkin), God bless his little energetic fireball of a soul, kept me warm on my toes.

It was fascinating watching the lil one playing with his building blocks. He’d sit in his corner, entirely focused on building his castle, then he’d get stuck somewhere, bring down what he’d put up, start all over again, make a few more steps forward, get stuck again and eventually come grab my hand, make me sit down with him and help him out. I loved watching him work his mind trying to figure out the pieces to fit in. He knew the pieces had to fit together but getting them to do so was the key mystery. Anytime he forced them to fit, the block would stand momentarily but as soon as he added another piece, it wobbled down.

As I watched him play, the Holy spirit nudged me that’s how it was with our walk of faith so I sat up and paid a closer attention. Our lives are indeed Pieces and Puzzles; we don’t always get the full picture of how it will be. All we have are bits here and bits there as we try and figure the whole picture out. The only person who knows the beginning from the end, who knows what works and what won’t work, who knows the plans for our lives is our creator himself, our heavenly Father, God Almighty. And He says so in Jeremiah 29:11 ^“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Many are the times we try to build our lives on our own strength using our own wisdom but it pretty much ends up as the man who built his house on sand; the rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. (Matthew 7:24-27). It may look like the pieces have fit perfectly, it may look like the castle will stand but we forget that with a weak foundation, nothing stands up in the face of adversity, all sham and drudgery comes tumbling down.

It’s no wonder we look around and see people we all thought were doing well in life, only to come crushing down and crushing hard because all they ever did was put up a show on a weak wobbly foundation. I know because I’ve been there, I know because I once put up a good show, only to fall off the wall faster than humpty dumpty himself, lol ?. I know how it feels to try fit those puzzles by yourself, in your ignorance and foolishness, trying to find your way in a maze, blind as a mouse but still groping in the dark looking for a way out.

Trust me, everything in our lives that doesn’t stand right will never be upright. We may try and make it look right but it will never be right.

We can’t figure our lives on our own, not without running to the arms of the one who knows why He created us and the exact reason He created us. Anything less of this will be us trying to grope around, fitting pieces here and there, some fit in, some stick out like a sore thumb, but nothing will come close to looking like the masterpiece the Creator had in mind in for us. Because He is the God of perfection, His plans are good, pleasing and perfect, anything we do outside His will be a cheap imitation.

Looking back at my life, I spent so many years trying to figure out myself, I ended up making the wrong decisions, engaging in wrong activities, pouring out my all in negative relationships, enslaved in addictions and chained to baggage that defined me. All because I wanted control over my pieces of the puzzle, I wanted so bad to be in charge of how it all fit in, be in charge of what I say, what I do, who I date etc. that I didn’t notice I was slowly putting myself up for misery.

But I thank God for His amazing grace that saved a wretch like a me. I was completely lost and blind but He found me and I now can see that only He can make a priceless treasure out of any ruins we are willing to submit to Him. Those pieces I tried to fix for more than 8 years took us (Him and I) two months to figure out, clean up and we set out on a journey where daily I surrender to Him, His will and He molds me into my destiny, a destiny He already ordained for me even before the beginning of time.

And what always makes me tear up is that despite my messes, despite those lost days, despite my imperfections, He never at any given point thought of scrapping out His plans for my life, He never gave up on me no matter how many times I kept running away from Him, He never thought that I was undeserving of His love and grace and His will. While I was still a sinner, God still demonstrated His love for me by sending Christ to die for me; no one has greater love than this: to lay down His life for His friends.

Am I still trying to figure out the pieces and puzzles of my life? Yes, I still think of how I’d want my life to be but I don’t fight God about it anymore. Yes, I have desires, but am learning to conform them to His. It’s His way, His will. He does what is best for me and I do what’s best for us (Him and I), I obey because I’ve learnt that obedience is way better than sacrifice.

Is my life making sense? Am letting Him use me in his Kingdom for His glory and honor.

Do I know what lies ahead for me? Nope, he he ?. Only He does and as along as my hand is in the hands of Him who holds tomorrow, am buckled up, excited for the amazing ride we will have because am assured there’s no way this could turn out wrong.

Am I happy? Absolutely, I am infinitely blessed, thankful and whole. My pieces and puzzles are in the right hands and He is making a Master Piece.

Last Sunday was Father’s day and for the better part of the day I was feeling all shades of blue but in the midst of all my feelings God managed to reach out to me and fill the void I had in my heart.

I remember I was in bed when the words to a certain song popped in my mind. It was a song I had heard before but I didn’t know who the singer was. The more I ignored the words the more they kept ringing so loudly in me that I was forced to google the words. You can imagine my utter surprise when I discovered the name of the song – Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin.

I sat up in bed perplexed to say the least and at once I knew that the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me something, He was reaching out to me in my moments of despair. I listened to the song and it made me break into tears…here I was feeling all blue missing my dad and God was ministering to me that He was my father, and indeed a Good Good Father.

I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone

You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
‘Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word

You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Because you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

Finding that song was God’s gift to me on Father’s day: a reminder that I am not fatherless, am not alone and above all that I am truly loved by my heavenly Father. It’s amazing how throughout the week that song has popped up in my circles: someone sharing the song on social media, went to a service yesterday and the worship leader sang it. It was almost as if God didn’t want me to forget that I am loved by Him and that’s who I am. That’s how He carried me over from my blues to a place of joy, happiness, peace and contentment, a place of reminding me who I was in Him.

Indeed God is concerned even with the lil teeny weeny bits of our lives that may seem minute to us. Many at times we envision Him as the creator of the galaxies and universe who is only in the business of big miracles but if we let Him, if we surrender ourselves to an intimate relationship with Him, we end up experiencing His presence, power and unconditional love in our daily lives.

Yes He made the stars and the skies but He also lovingly fashioned you in His image, He knows the hairs on your head: He is concerned with every part of your life, from how you speak, dress, laugh, live, love, work (all in the scriptures). He is a Big God even in the smallest of things.

It’s not enough to know about God, you need to know God.

It’s not enough to hear what God can do for others, you need to experience it for yourself.

It’s not enough to live through the testimonies of others, you need to have an encounter with the King of Kings and your life will never be the same again.

The best part about it, He is waiting and He is willing. Revelation 3:20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”

It’s not enough to hear God is a father, you need to know Him as your father. My prayer for you, in the name of Jesus, is that you will let Him in and experience the love that is so overwhelming to the point that nothing can separate you from it, Amen.

P.S. The gratitude challenge continues next week, we have amazing testimonies of what God is doing for His children.

Have an awesome blessed weekend and remember that You Are Loved!!

Today I woke up angry. Not really angry but snappy. Can we be honest here and admit that there those days you wake up cheery and chirpy like a little birdie then there are these days you wake up on the dark side of the bed. Days when everything seems to be conspiring against you. “Seems” is the word because truth of the fact is this always happens in our minds. Period. We think things. Imagine things. Then imagine those things ganging up against you. Then those things you imagined weigh you down. Then you’re sad and blue and snappy.

You feel like you have all the rage within you, you could turn into a dragon and spit fire all over (too many cartoons). Or you could churn out a whirlwind. And it makes you feel momentarily powerful in the sense that you could raise a storm in seconds. Days you walk around hoping and crossing your fingers today will be the day someone ruffs up your feathers in the slightest way possibly then you would rain all the rage out like the hurricane you feel swirling inside you.

Today was one of those mornings for me and any time I get to this level I always know there’s something I’ve been doing that I shouldn’t have done. Because ultimately you give what you have and you have what you’ve been feeding on. Instinctively I knew I had to pause and reflect on what I had been feeding my spirit. And this was very crucial because most times we chose to react to situations without figuring out the facts behind the emotions. So we end up fighting our symptoms without getting to the root cause of the problem. We end up venting on people, pouring out our bile and scarring them, feeling better for a few seconds but never really facing the real issues at hand. And those issues will continue piling up and sizzling into bigger wounds that we ultimately end up like white washed tombs; beautiful on the outside but on the inside, we are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.

As I sat and reflected on why I was feeling like a dragon queen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly started falling into place; I had allowed myself to be so filled with the world that there was little room for God. I was choking up from worries and fears, cares of the world, the lure of wealth, and other things happening within and in my environment, it almost felt like I was drowning. That’s why the bible is keen on advising us to “Seek first the Kingdom of God & His righteousness and all these other things will be added to us. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life?”

Worrying about all these other things doesn’t make the situation any better. We are to be so filled by God that we don’t have any room for worldly desires and worries. The former leaves you still less, the latter makes you peaceful: peace of mind and heart. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. (Philippians 4:6-8).

It’s one thing to be in a raging storm alone and to be in a storm with the Master of the  seas and waves. When the tempest is raging, the billows are tossing high, the sky is overshadowed with blackness and no shelter or help is nigh may we all remember;

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:

Peace, be still.

Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea,

Or demons or men or whatever it be,

No waters can swallow the ship where lies

The Master of ocean and earth and skies.

They all shall sweetly obey thy will:

Peace, be still; peace, be still.

 (Master the tempest is raging)

All along I had been feeding my fears and starving my faith. My focus was on the storms outside and not on the one who can sleep during a storm and then wake up and calm it to the glory and honor of His name. I needed to shift my focus back on the solid Rock. It’s one thing to know what to do and a completely different thing to do what you know you should do. How would I get my mind to turn around and focus on God? I had to detox; get rid of all the negativity from my system.

I knew just the secret, at least what always works for me; counting my blessings. There’s this Sunday school rhyme we all loved singing as kids but how often do we listen and apply it in our lives. Count your blessings name them one by one and you’ll be surprised at what the Lord has done. How many times do we actually sit down and meditate on the blessings God has given us, the situations He’s delivered us from, the battles He’s won for us, the miracles He’s performed for us? Or are we always quick to turn to the next page, unknown waters and let the fear drown us without holding safely to the anchor of Christ and rest in the knowledge that if He did it before for us, He will certainly, surely, definitely do it again because He is Able.

I knew what I had to do so I sat down, picked my journal and started listing all my blessings, things I was grateful for.

• I was grateful for the gift of life; many desired to see the day but didn’t. I wasn’t special, I was blessed.
• I was grateful for the gift of health; many spent nights in hospital, tossing and turning in pain but I didn’t. I was up, alive and in good health.
• I was grateful for the gift of family; many had lost loved ones, orphaned, homeless and lonely but I didn’t. I had a family, people who loved me, accepted me, treasured me and always had my back.
• I was grateful for the gift of provision; many lacked a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear but I didn’t. I had it in abundance.
• I was grateful for the gift of an income; many had spent years scouting for a job but I was blessed with one that I was happy with, that pushed me, challenged me, made me grow.
• I was grateful for the gift of a circle of friends. I had an inner circle that covered me, prayed for me, pointed me in the right direction, walked with me, cried with me.
• I was grateful for the gift of talents and passions. I knew what drives me and makes me happy, what am gifted in and above all a chance to be used a vessel for the glory and honor of God. I wasn’t special, I was blessed.
• I was grateful for the gift of dreams and callings. I had a fire burning inside of me, dreams pushing me every day to stretch beyond my comfort zone and reach out to the great destiny God had ordained for me.

As I poured out my heart on paper, counting my blessings I felt the burden slowly melt away…the rage and anger was losing its hold on me and instead, a heart of worship and gratitude was filling me up. God had given me so many reasons to smile and be happy, it was such a shame that I had lost sight of what was right in front of me all these time. I was so rich, rich in love, happiness, joy, peace and above all, a heavenly father who loved me and whose delight was in giving me the Kingdom. That was all I needed to walk in faith.

What you focus on will be magnified so focus on the good. For every negative thought/feeling/memory you experience vow to counter it with 5 positive thoughts/feeling/memories and watch the fear melt away in the radiance of your abundant blessings.

Yours truly;

Beautifully broken.

The night was cold and chilly. She startled in her sleep when she felt the gentle breeze brush on her skin. Her blanket had fallen off exposing her dewy skin to the ice cold chill. As she carefully squirmed in the warmth of the sheets, trying to grasp at the blankets on the floor, she nudged him on his side.

“Damn it girl! Can’t you do one thing right?” she chided herself.

He lazily turned to her side, managed to open his eye and looked at her. “What time is it?”

“I am sorry, the blanket fell off,” she slowly mumbled as she stared at her feet.

“Again?” he asked.

She could sense the agitation in his voice and silently prayed that he would be too tired for a fight. She couldn’t find her voice so all she did was nod her head.

“Pick it up and get back to sleep” he growled, then turned back to his side.

“Oh, that was new,” she thought to herself, no backlash, no bitter exchange of words.

She picked the blanket as swiftly as she could and coiled herself back to sleep, carefully not to disturb him again. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she felt it coming…a sneeze was creeping up on her.

“Oh no, this can’t be happening,” she alarmed.

She thought of quietly sneaking out of bed to go to the washroom but how would she maneuver her way without waking him up again? The more she debated on it, the more it kept on building up until she couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Aaaaaaatttttchhhooooooo!” she loudly sneezed, her whole body shaking with the intensity

There was a stealth silence for a moment before he begrudgingly turned to her side, fully awake and gave her one of his exasperated looks.

“You okay? He asked.

“Uh-huh” she whispered.

“No you’re not. Come here you poor thing. You’re shivering.” He opened his arms and she slid in his warm embrace. He held her tightly as he mumbled an apology for earlier growling at her. All she could do was smile back and snuggle cozily in his warmth. He bent his head towards her, reaching out for her lips as she closed her eyes, waiting to be found.

No sooner as she could feel his warm breath on her skin, his lips brushing against hers, than the door was violently kicked in and a group of men, clad in hoods and army boots, barged in the room, with torches glaring out in the darkness.

“There she is. I told you we would find her,” one of the men bellowed as he pointed his torch in her face.

“Well, well. And who do we have here?” another man walked forward shining the light on her.

Before she could recollect her thoughts, her partner scurried out of bed, grabbed his clothes on the floor and ran past the two men manning the door. The light was too blinding for her so she covered her face with the white sheet but the man wouldn’t have any of it.

“Now she wants to cover her shame” the man laughed out loud as he painfully jerked her arm out of her covering.

“Oh come on, don’t be shy now. Show us what he was enjoying all night.” as the men broke into laughter.

She could feel the heavy stare of the man by her side, ogling at her nakedness, his breathing intensifying with desire as he smacked his lips with relish.

“This can’t be happening,” she thought to herself. “How did they find her? What would they do to her? Please don’t let them hurt me, not again,” and she began to silently sob to herself as she recalled the last time they pinned her down and forced themselves on her amid her cries.

“Take her out” the man at the door ordered him. At once she was thrown out of bed and they dragged her on the cold floor. She pleaded for a chance to wear her robe but her cries fell on deaf ears. All she could grab was the white sheet and hastily wrapped it around her body as they marched her out of the door. So many thoughts were running through her mind and she couldn’t place her finger on what was happening. It felt like a night mare, one she could wake up from but the man’s rough hand bruising her skin jerked her to reality.

The two men walked ahead in hushed tones and as much as she tried, she couldn’t figure out their words. But gathering from the back street alley they were taking her through, she had this fear in the back of her mind of the dread that was awaiting her. Her little strides were no match to their huge steps and she countlessly fell to the ground in the puddles of water, grazing her knees. Her white sheet was stained with mud.

Sadly, the men did not slow down; they mercilessly kicked her and pushed her back on her feet, dragging her to the fate ahead. She cried till she couldn’t cry any more, the cold had pierced her to her core leaving her numb and she couldn’t feel a thing. As dawn was approaching and after walking for almost an hour, they arrived at the gates of the temple.

“Oh no, not the temple courts, not while am in tatters.” She quickly started to put the pieces together, as her fate stood out clearly to her; stoned to death.

The reality of her fate slowly dawned on her and she bitterly broke down in tears. Most of these men who were accusing her knew her intimately, they had shared a night of passion together but now they stood off righteously pointing fingers and tainting her dignity or what was left of it. She knew their secret desires and fetishes, some had hurt her while at it and to think they stood there polished up, distant from her deeds of shame. The more the memories flashed in her mind and she relived the pain they put their through, the more bitterly she wept in her sea of helplessness. Who would dare speak for the silent battles she fought within, the pain that threatened to strangle her day in day out and her only solace was back in the arms of the men who tortured her? Tortured souls who thrived on tortured pleasure.

So buried was she in her thoughts that she didn’t notice she had been dragged into the courts and thrown at the middle where the Master sat.

Her accusers stepped forward and her case unfolded in His presence.

 “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” (John 8:4-7)

Man one: “She has shamed our women by selling her body to the highest bidder.”

Man two: “Cheap whore” (spits on her)

Man three: “Look at her, exposing her nakedness for all to see.”

As they stood there listing her sins for all to hear, she couldn’t help but bow her head in shame and weep bitterly. Hadn’t she pleaded with them to allow her to wear her robe but they denied her the chance. But now they stood here accusing her of the nakedness. Yet nights ago they had paid her to dance and entertain them with the very body they were now shaming.

Man one: “Not only has she sold her body, she’s committed a crime of murder. She’s had an abortion.”

Man two. (Gives him a puzzled look) “One? So that makes it two abortions.”

Man three. “No no no…”

They look at each other and at once realize they’ve played the same game.

All three: “She’s had three abortions. She deserves to die thrice as painful.” They all exclaimed in unison.

The crowd that had gathered all gasped in surprise and now looked at her with pointed fingers, shaming her of her grievous acts. “How could she” they all whispered to each other. ‘Slut’ was all the mumbles she could hear from the crowd. ‘Stone her’ they shouted.

She fell to the ground and broke down uncontrollably. Watching the people she knew call her names, some of whom were her partners in crime but now turned foes was too painful to witness. She decided it was better to turn a blind eye to their angry stares, eyes filled with rage, baying for her blood. She didn’t want to watch who would be the first to stone her.

As they continued chanting for her blood, the memories of her childhood flooded her mind. She recalled the happy times she shared with her dad, daddy’s little girl…and how all that changed when he turned his back on them and choose alcohol and other women. She recalled how his betrayal left her vulnerable, angry, bitter and on a revenge mission out to hurt any man who crossed her path.

How she went looking for her dad in the wallets of the men, looking for his love in their arms. How her missions turned against her because she was the one hurting, broken, lost and now about to be stoned to death by the very people she sort to hurt. The irony of her life dawned on her; she was the prisoner all along. Imprisoned by her past, her rage, her bad choices and how her victim mentality was the death of her.

“If only I could get a second chance. I would turn around. But it’s too late, am too late to change” she thought to herself and cried out more, her white sheet now drenched in her tears.

“Save me” was all her soul could whisper so gently but amidst the chants and shouts of the crowd, who would hear her? It was useless.

All this time the Master was silent. He was bent on the ground, writing with his finger. They questioned him, and drew up more accusations dragging her past out in the open for all to hear, judge and justify their thirst for her blood. But in all these, He was silent.

The more they questioned Him, He straightened up and said to them, “let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone.” Then He stooped down and continued writing on the ground.

All came to a still and you could hear a pin drop in the sea of silence that enveloped the courts. Everyone went silent. No one moved a muscle. They were like a deer caught in headlights, guilty and trapped. Seconds ago they were all blaring out her sins but now in the stillness of their conscience, their own sins came to light and one by one, they dropped the stones and quietly walked away, heads bowed in shame, guilt wrapping them so tightly they could barely breathe.

In minutes, all her accusers and the crowd at large had dispersed. She was afraid to raise her head up from the ground lest she came face to face with the pointing look of an accuser but when she did, she was left alone with the Master.

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, Sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

She couldn’t believe the twist of events that had just unfolded. The accusers who presented her for judgment had ultimately handed her over to her redemption. The Master himself did not condemn her but instead looked at her with such tender love, looking past her shame and pain…seeing her worth beyond the tatters barely hiding her body. He saw the light in her soul; He saw her dignity even when she thought she had none left. He saw the life in abundance she could live and not the one she currently lived in pain and rage and bitterness. He saw her how she never ever thought she was.

And now that was all that mattered. What He saw. What He thought. What He believed. What He knew. What He saved. That was all she needed to see as well; her worth in His eyes. She woke up, dusted herself, bowed down in gratitude and walked away in that revelation.

******

Romans 8:1-4

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Sprit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.

And so He condemned sin in sinful man in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the spirit.”

The message of Easter; of a generation lost in their sins, blinded in the lies of the enemy, readily accused by the devil and of a Savior who left His all to come down and suffer, be shamed, be cursed, be stripped, be crucified all so He could save His people, redeem them, restore them, reconcile them back in the arms of their loving Heavenly Father.

And now we, you and I can walk upright, chins lifted high confident of this truth; we are guilty no more!!

To Christ be the Glory!!