Today I woke up angry. Not really angry but snappy. Can we be honest here and admit that there those days you wake up cheery and chirpy like a little birdie then there are these days you wake up on the dark side of the bed. Days when everything seems to be conspiring against you. “Seems” is the word because truth of the fact is this always happens in our minds. Period. We think things. Imagine things. Then imagine those things ganging up against you. Then those things you imagined weigh you down. Then you’re sad and blue and snappy.

You feel like you have all the rage within you, you could turn into a dragon and spit fire all over (too many cartoons). Or you could churn out a whirlwind. And it makes you feel momentarily powerful in the sense that you could raise a storm in seconds. Days you walk around hoping and crossing your fingers today will be the day someone ruffs up your feathers in the slightest way possibly then you would rain all the rage out like the hurricane you feel swirling inside you.

Today was one of those mornings for me and any time I get to this level I always know there’s something I’ve been doing that I shouldn’t have done. Because ultimately you give what you have and you have what you’ve been feeding on. Instinctively I knew I had to pause and reflect on what I had been feeding my spirit. And this was very crucial because most times we chose to react to situations without figuring out the facts behind the emotions. So we end up fighting our symptoms without getting to the root cause of the problem. We end up venting on people, pouring out our bile and scarring them, feeling better for a few seconds but never really facing the real issues at hand. And those issues will continue piling up and sizzling into bigger wounds that we ultimately end up like white washed tombs; beautiful on the outside but on the inside, we are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.

As I sat and reflected on why I was feeling like a dragon queen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly started falling into place; I had allowed myself to be so filled with the world that there was little room for God. I was choking up from worries and fears, cares of the world, the lure of wealth, and other things happening within and in my environment, it almost felt like I was drowning. That’s why the bible is keen on advising us to “Seek first the Kingdom of God & His righteousness and all these other things will be added to us. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life?”

Worrying about all these other things doesn’t make the situation any better. We are to be so filled by God that we don’t have any room for worldly desires and worries. The former leaves you still less, the latter makes you peaceful: peace of mind and heart. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. (Philippians 4:6-8).

It’s one thing to be in a raging storm alone and to be in a storm with the Master of the  seas and waves. When the tempest is raging, the billows are tossing high, the sky is overshadowed with blackness and no shelter or help is nigh may we all remember;

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:

Peace, be still.

Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea,

Or demons or men or whatever it be,

No waters can swallow the ship where lies

The Master of ocean and earth and skies.

They all shall sweetly obey thy will:

Peace, be still; peace, be still.

 (Master the tempest is raging)

All along I had been feeding my fears and starving my faith. My focus was on the storms outside and not on the one who can sleep during a storm and then wake up and calm it to the glory and honor of His name. I needed to shift my focus back on the solid Rock. It’s one thing to know what to do and a completely different thing to do what you know you should do. How would I get my mind to turn around and focus on God? I had to detox; get rid of all the negativity from my system.

I knew just the secret, at least what always works for me; counting my blessings. There’s this Sunday school rhyme we all loved singing as kids but how often do we listen and apply it in our lives. Count your blessings name them one by one and you’ll be surprised at what the Lord has done. How many times do we actually sit down and meditate on the blessings God has given us, the situations He’s delivered us from, the battles He’s won for us, the miracles He’s performed for us? Or are we always quick to turn to the next page, unknown waters and let the fear drown us without holding safely to the anchor of Christ and rest in the knowledge that if He did it before for us, He will certainly, surely, definitely do it again because He is Able.

I knew what I had to do so I sat down, picked my journal and started listing all my blessings, things I was grateful for.

  • I was grateful for the gift of life; many desired to see the day but didn’t. I wasn’t special, I was blessed.
  • I was grateful for the gift of health; many spent nights in hospital, tossing and turning in pain but I didn’t. I was up, alive and in good health.
  • I was grateful for the gift of family; many had lost loved ones, orphaned, homeless and lonely but I didn’t. I had a family, people who loved me, accepted me, treasured me and always had my back.
  • I was grateful for the gift of provision; many lacked a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear but I didn’t. I had it in abundance.
  • I was grateful for the gift of an income; many had spent years scouting for a job but I was blessed with one that I was happy with, that pushed me, challenged me, made me grow.
  • I was grateful for the gift of a circle of friends. I had an inner circle that covered me, prayed for me, pointed me in the right direction, walked with me, cried with me.
  • I was grateful for the gift of talents and passions. I knew what drives me and makes me happy, what am gifted in and above all a chance to be used a vessel for the glory and honor of God. I wasn’t special, I was blessed.
  • I was grateful for the gift of dreams and callings. I had a fire burning inside of me, dreams pushing me every day to stretch beyond my comfort zone and reach out to the great destiny God had ordained for me.

As I poured out my heart on paper, counting my blessings I felt the burden slowly melt away…the rage and anger was losing its hold on me and instead, a heart of worship and gratitude was filling me up. God had given me so many reasons to smile and be happy, it was such a shame that I had lost sight of what was right in front of me all these time. I was so rich, rich in love, happiness, joy, peace and above all, a heavenly father who loved me and whose delight was in giving me the Kingdom. That was all I needed to walk in faith.

What you focus on will be magnified so focus on the good. For every negative thought/feeling/memory you experience vow to counter it with 5 positive thoughts/feeling/memories and watch the fear melt away in the radiance of your abundant blessings.

Yours truly;

Beautifully broken.

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    12th April 2018 at 10:47 am

    Wise & inspiring words. May the Lord grant you the peserverance, patience, strength & good health to write more articles.

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