Today is the 199th day of the year and this is my very first blog post of the year. Yep, I haven’t written in a couple of months and I feel like I need to set the record straight and share that am still very happily born again and crazily in love with Christ, lol. There is absolutely no way the devil will take away that testimony from my lips. Nothing I ever do or go through will surpass the great sacrifice Jesus paid on the cross for me and how am forever in awe that He loved me at my very worst and He has promised that nothing will ever separate me from His unconditional love. If that’s the only testimony I will ever have, then it’s absolutely more than enough for me.
It feels like it’s been 20 months already since we crossed over from 2019. I don’t know about you but this is definitely not how I envisioned the year would be because it’s certainly not playing out the way I planned it. And trust me, I had plans, small plans, big plans, all sort of plans, intricate planned details of how the first four months would be. I was excited going about implementing them until Corona quietly sneaked in the picture and sat smug right in the middle, bringing everything to a halt. I look back at how things changed in a snap and I can’t help but laugh out, of course now I can smile but back then, it was nothing but a bunch of broken dreams and crashed hopes reeking of devastation. In fact if I could give 2020 a name, it would be the roller coaster year.
“Man makes plans and God laughs”
2020 was going to be my year, that was what I started the year claiming in faith , I had focused on everything I desired and wanted from it then slowly God in His divine ways made the world stop and it dawned on me that my focus had been on everything else but HIM. It’s pretty amazing how He managed to “shut down” the entire world and turned our heads and hearts back to focusing on Him and His superiority over all. It’s amazing how the human race was forced on its knees and we acknowledged that it’s not our own wisdom or strength that keeps us going but it’s indeed His grace and mercies which sustain us. Science couldn’t give us answers, civilization, wealth; political stability wasn’t the solution either. Maybe the world needed a disease to make us realize how sick we were so we could turn our focus on God and be truly healed.
You can make many plans BUT the Lord’s purpose will prevail. Psalms 19:21
After spending the entire of April and a bit of May lamenting,lol..I stopped weeping and mourning the loss of what would have been, got up, washed my face and embraced the life I had. I realized I couldn’t dwell on what couldn’t be undone and that I still had God on my side, all I had to do was trust that He knew every single detail of my life, how it plays out, how nothing catches Him by surprise and ultimately how all things work together for my good. I mean He had never failed me before, why would He start now? Changing my mindset and focus towards God was such a welcoming breath of fresh air. Before you get to judging me, it’s not like I didn’t know from the onset that this was the correct posture for me, nope, on the contrary this was one of the lessons God has been trying to teach me since 2018. A lesson I thought I had been to enough classes and done quite well, exceptional if I must say but no one knows the heart more than God and oh what a deceitful lil sneaky organ it is.
Turns out I hadn’t grasped the lesson and needed a few remedial classes here and there to let it sink in. 2020 isn’t all that bad if am to now admit, after much hindsight and retrospection, I believe the year is playing out JUST EXACTLY how it was meant to be and its upon us to seize the moment, grab the lesson and run with it as bravely as we can. 2020 hasn’t been such a roller coaster as much as it has been a season of grace, growth and gratitude.
A lot has happened in our lives and in the world these past couple of months and there is a general sense of darkness and gloom everywhere making it so easy to get caught up in that wave of sadness and heaviness. I believe there is equally so much more to be grateful for and if we carefully think things through, you’ll find there is so much goodness that surpasses the gloom. At times the blessings are in the tiniest and simplest of things.
I don’t take for granted waking up every morning and being able to take in a deep breath, knowing there is someone out there depending on a ventilator. I don’t take it for granted that I have a place I can call home, a safe haven from the cold and darkness, a place glowing in love and joy. I don’t take it for granted that I have food to eat and I can get choosy on what I want to eat based on my hormones or mood at that particular moment, knowing very well that for someone out there, a choice is a luxury.
May I never be so blinded again, caught up in my world, my desires and needs that I fail to notice how God so lavishly pours His grace and mercies every morning in my life.
May I never forget that it should have been me hanging on that cross, shamed and cursed but His grace was sufficient.
May I never forget that it could have been me killed in that accident, dying from that illness, abandoned and alone in the world, betrayed and left with a broken heart, so many could have, should have been scenarios but God, things could have been worse but God…I don’t deserve to be alive but God.. These trials and tribulations could have broken me into pieces but God… The enemy would have crushed me and had the last laugh but God…
When I was a little girl growing up seemed so much fun and I couldn’t help fantasize about it and becoming like my big sisters, cool gang and all. Then it happened and after I was done growing physically, it dawned on me there was so much to growth and it wasn’t fun and games, some lessons were tough, cruel, some gut wrenching and heartbreaking. You can’t fight it, it’s inevitable, you can postpone it to your loss but the lessons are worth embracing.
2020 came with its fair share of pain and lessons. I lost friends who I thought were down for me but turns out it was a one sided entanglement, hehe and the detangling was dramatic to say the least. In the same breathe, I gained amazing friends who turned to be such a blessing and I’ve learned God never takes away something and fails to replace it with something better.
I’ve learned that at the end of the day if God and family is all I have left, then I am more than blessed.
I’ve learned that at times God will answer my prayers, not in the way I expected Him to, but in His own divine ways which always turns out way better than my imagination.
I’ve learned that when things don’t go my way, my energy and emotions should be spent thanking God for what He is doing beyond my understanding because many are the times He doesn’t let me witness the battles He is fighting for me.
Above all am learning how to always be deeply and truly grateful at all times, in all things and in all moments. Nothing beats a cold gloomy day more than a cheerful and grateful heart. When you learn to see the blessings in everything, big and small then you live a content, satisfied and fulfilled life. Why? Because you’re never waiting for a moment to feel alive, you are present and enjoying every second of it.
I believe no one can stand and claim they have nothing to give thanks for; God has blessed each and every one of us in our own unique ways. The challenge human beings face is we constantly look over the other person’s life, wanting and desiring what they have, forgetting that we are all blessed differently, our paths and stories are different and our seasons are never the same. Comparison robs you of the delight of enjoying the season you are in.
2020 has taught me there is so much I have and have been blessed with, some I never was conscious of but I’ve slowed down to appreciate it all. I am not perfect, I make my good share of goof ups and mistakes but am so grateful God never writes me off and He’s always there to hold my hand and lead me in His good perfect pleasing will.
If there’s anything that these last six months have heavily reinforced for me is that I would rather be in the storm with God than anywhere else alone. Being saved isn’t an assurance that things will sail smoothly always, far be from it. The weapons will be formed against us, the world will hate us, we will be mocked and laughed at, they will sarcastically ask where our God was when calamities hit the earth, we will always be misunderstood and they will be our sworn enemies. Our secret lies in keeping our eyes firmly on Christ, not looking to the right or left and wavering in faith but solely focusing on Jesus and being of great cheer at all times knowing we are assured of victory just like He overcame the world. And if this world becomes such a dread, am grateful I have an assurance of a better place, an eternity with Christ, now what could beat that??
Six months to the end of the year and am excited to see what God has in store. At this point I’ll admit I don’t know what that will be but you can never go wrong with God. Where He leads, I will follow. #Surrendered&Grounded