Njeri Muthuya

“God will break you to position you,
Break you to promote you,
And break you to put you in your right place,
But when He breaks you He doesn’t hurt you, He doesn’t,
When He breaks you He doesn’t destroy you, He does it with; grace”

Song; Gracefully Broken by Tasha Cobbs

I’ve been meditating on the state of being broken (Healing and Grace) and I was prompted to read 2^nd Kings 7:3-20. This passage tells a beautiful story of redemption. A story about four lepers, disregarded by society as failures but in the end, turned out to be used as vessels to save a dying nation.

For those who won’t get to read the scripture here is how the story goes, in my words, lol.

Once upon a time, back then in those days lepers were forbidden from living together with society because of their condition which people feared was infectious. So they were thrown out of the city and lived separately in their own circle. At that time, the city was under attack by the Arameans. I don’t know but this doesn’t sound like a scary name to me. Like if I was indoors on a lazy Saturday morning and got a call from a strange number claiming to be the Arameans I wouldn’t be perturbed. But that’s just me. The Israelites were completely surrounded and put under siege to such a point that none of them could enter or leave the gates. With time the city’s food supplies continually dwindled as there was no replenishment available. This ultimately led to a famine that was so tragic, women resulted to feeding on their children.

The lepers who lived outside the gates were not spared either and they too shared in the predicament but what I like about these four guys is their brave resilient spirit. Since they were already dying of hunger outside the gates they thought to themselves, ‘oh well, what’s the harm in going over to the enemies’ camp to ask for food. Chances are they’ll kill us or we’ll die out here. Either way, we’ll still die. Shouldn’t we make an attempt nonetheless?’

Leper 1: Am starved (wailing out loudly)

Leper 2: I know dude, me too. I could use a nice plate of hot juicy ribs dipped in…

Leper 3: Oh please stop it that’s not helping much you know (grumpily)

Leper 1: Spare us… a man can dream. If we can’t feed our stomachs we might as well feed our dreams. Right bro? (turns and expectantly looks at Leper 4 waiting for his support)

Leper 4. Not today dudes. Am saving my energy, am too weak to indulge in silly banters.

Leper 3: Oh really, so what would you rather do, enhe? Crawl to the enemies camp and beg for a morsel (retorts snidely)

Leper 2: Why can’t we do that?

Leper 1: I beg your pardon. Slowly repeat those words.

Leper 4: Haha..y’all a bunch of cowards. I bet none of you has the guts to face fear right in the face. I bet you’d rather we die here in misery..

Leper 2: Yes, than die in pain, butchered mercilessly by the Arameans.

Leper 3: Because death by starvation is less painful than a sword..

Leper 4: Yea right, chickens, lol. See you on the other side of life.

And he began to slowly crawl over to the other side of his fear, determined to take chances in his own hands.

Leper 1: Wait a minute.. Dude is actually doing it. Look at him.

Leper 2: Damn. That’s bravery right there I tell you. I always knew he had something in him.

Leper 3: Wish I had guts like his

Leper 4: (mockingly) Hehe.. You still have a little left of yours. Why don’t you follow me before they fall off.

Leper 3: Dude I heard that. Am so coming for you. And he begins to crawl towards his direction.

Leper 1&2: Not again you two. Let’s go stop this fight. Y’all have to fight,huh, can’t wait for the enemy to kill you, you’d rather stab each other, lol.. See our lives.

********

With nothing left to give, the four lepers cautiously made their way over to the Arameans camp. I love how God turned the situation around to their favour. Truly when God says He fights for us, indeed He does. Would you believe that our almighty, the most high God caused confusion in the enemies camp. He made them think that the Israelites were coming to attack them and caused such panic.

“At dusk they got up and went to the camp of the Arameans. When they reached the edge of the camp, no one was there, for the Lord had caused the Arameans to hear the sound of chariots and horses and a great army, so that they said to one another, “Look, the king of Israel has hired the Hittite and Egyptian kings to attack us!” So they got up and fled in the dusk and abandoned their tents and their horses and donkeys. They left the camp as it was and ran for their lives.”2 Kings 7:5-7

The whole camp fled away in such a frenzy that they left everything behind, all their gold, silver and possessions, all their foods and supplies. They left everything, they didn’t carry even a dime. You can imagine the utter surprise and excitement the four lepers had once they arrived at the scene. I bet at first they thought it was a trap but because of their faith, because they stepped out of their comfort zone and what they thought was their dying place, God used them to fight for His children and give victory to a war they didn’t have to fight.

Like every starving person would have done, the four lepers ate to their fill, gathered as much food and possessions as they possibly could. But unlike most of us, they were filled with compassion and decided not to hoard the supplies to themselves yet a whole city was starving to death. So they sent word out and that’s how salvation came through the least expected channels, people who were once rejected and despised.

The End

I love how the Bible is full of stories about men and women whose labels were far from perfect but were still chosen by God to bring glory and honor to His name. I love how God calls the most ordinary people, those who are broken, those who are unqualified, and those who are undeserving to carry out His will. Because to God all that matters is that He qualifies us. Period.

It’s not about what you have done, neither is it about what you can do, it’s always about having a teachable spirit and a heart fully and truly surrendered to Christ. If this was not the case, some of us wouldn’t even stand before the world. Oh the beauty of being hidden in Christ because no one can stand up to condemn you or your past. Oh the beauty of our flaws, our weaknesses, our imperfections because God uses them to magnify Himself.

Just because we are fighting battles in some areas of our lives, it doesn’t make us less of Christians. To the world, weaknesses maybe an Achilles heel but to us who are saved, who believe in Jesus Christ, it is a platform for God to display His perfect strength through us.

As Paul clearly puts it in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, my grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.(Mssg version)

Lessons I picked from the story:

1. I am not my imperfections and I shouldn’t let the world label me. Only Christ has the authority to define my worth.
2. My imperfections are perfect in the hands of Christ because in His own timing He makes all things beautiful.
3. Christ delights in using me just as I am for His glory. He doesn’t need me to clean up first before I approach Him. Once I am surrendered to Him, He takes up from there.
4. I need to be careful of my circle. At times we stay in our cocoons because our friends are afraid to break free into victory. Have a circle that is unashamedly and relentlessly pursuing growth, grace and greatness.
5. Don’t treat the world as it treats you. Be kinder. Be compassionate. Be Christ Like, always. Only then can the world tell the difference.

Best lesson am carrying with me to eternity is that indeed our brokenness is a blessing in disguise and if we allow Christ to be the center of our lives, He will use it to stand us before the world as testimonies, as men and women who braved it all and came out as more than conquerors.

Praying for those warriors fighting battles we can’t see, praying for Grace and strength to overcome and above all praying for the Spirit of God to hold you, comfort you and walk you through to your testimony.

*************

Happy new month, yaaaaay. Wishing you an exciting count down to the end of 2018.

Lots of love,

Beautifully Broken.

Everyone has preferences of the partner they would like e.g. tall, dark and handsome. Does giving your life to Jesus mean giving up on those preferences?

A friend asked me this question the other day and the first answer that came to my mind was that giving your life to Christ means having His preferences over yours. I sensed a bit of fear on his end about this topic, it felt like something he had been mulling over for a while but he held back from making that crucial decision. I know this because he’s been very inquisitive about my walk of faith and thus we’d been sharing a lot on it. The question didn’t get me off guard but it made me reflect back on what it meant, for me, to give my life to Christ.

Most people are afraid about giving their lives to Christ, for one reason or the other. Some fear they will lose control over their lives. Some fear they will be forced to live a bored life. Some fear their imperfections will hinder them from living a righteous life. So many reasons have been given to justify our fears but if we take a keen look at the source of all these fears, it goes back to us; we have placed ourselves on a pedestal and made the focus all about ourselves. It’s all about us, we will fail, we will get bored, we are not good enough, we, we, we… It’s no wonder then why we fail because we, with all our flaws and imperfections, have set ourselves as the standard thus we are doomed to fall short.

Any time we place ourselves as the objects of attention we should brace ourselves for failure. Because that is akin to pride, worshiping ourselves (self-glorification). Pride is self-obsession, pride is preoccupation with ourselves; our successes (self-exaltation), rubbing our successes in others faces (self-promotion) and ultimately pride is the origin of sin. Some may argue and say the reason am afraid to give myself to Christ is because am too imperfect, am worthless, I don’t deserve His love, how can this be termed as pride? Well am afraid that it is pride as well because pride is not only about focusing on our strengths, it also takes form when we beat ourselves too hard for our failures (self-degradation/self-demotion).

Whether we are obsessed about our successes or about our failures, bottom line is, we are still thinking about ourselves, we are still obsessed with ourselves and that is pride.

What does surrendering my life to Christ therefore mean to me?

It means I take a humble bow and acknowledge on my own, I can’t hack it and I need Christ in totality. It means I come off my high horse; I come off the pedestal and put God at the centre of it all. It means I completely forget all about myself (self-forgetfulness), stop fixing the focus on myself (die to self), and I focus on God. It means I choose the path of humility as opposed to the path of pride because the bible is very clear God’s stand regarding pride. He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. 1^st Peter 5:5 Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Does this mean I lose myself in the process?

I don’t think of it as losing myself, I think of it more like getting an upgrade to the best version of me.

In my weaknesses, He perfects His strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

In place of my heavy burdens, He gives me His light yoke; He gives me rest. Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

In place of all my worries and anxieties, He gives me peace. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In place of my mourning, He comforts me and gives me the oil of Joy. In place of ashes, He bestows on me a crown of beauty. In place of despair, He gives me a garment of praise. He calls me His oak of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, for the display of His splendour. Isaiah 61:1-3

Do I need to be perfect?

No. God does not need your strength; He has more than enough of power of His own. He asks for your weakness; He has none of that himself and He is longing, therefore, to take your weakness, and use it as the instrument in His own mighty hand. Will you not yield your weakness to him, and receive his strength?

What happens to my dreams? My desires?

God gives us dreams and desires that burn so passionately within us. If He will not fulfil them, He’ll take away the desire. Even before we were born, even before we were conceived in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us, He set us apart. He has great plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a future and hope.

All our plans, desires and dreams put together cannot match up to the great destiny God predestined for us. So if I was to choose between the two, I definitely choose God’s will, God’s plans, God’s way for my life because ultimately, am choosing the best.

It doesn’t mean I gave up on my tall dark and handsome preference, (Lord knows we debated about this for a while because I was so stuck on choosing the outward appearance over the inner beauty, lol), I learnt my lesson and am excitedly watching Him fulfil the desires of my heart.

The best part of my walk of faith has been letting go and letting God. I let go of the reins in my life and I gained freedom; freedom from worry, freedom from anxiety that things are not going right. It’s more of I stepped out of the driver’s seat, I let Jesus take the wheel and I settled at the back left. So now am easy, we are cruising at His pace. I don’t need to be all worried about which path to walk, which decision to make, which turn to take, that’s all entirely on Christ, the driver of my life. He knows what’s best and I know Him, period!

It sounds easy? I know, lol. But it is easy, trust me..

Wait don’t trust me, Trust Christ. That is the absolute surrender!

“Today in my morning devotion, my heavenly Daddy and I had a one on one talk (He even made sure He woke me up way before the alarm, lol). I knew this was coming so I didn’t want to make excuses or justifications or debate my way out of it. I fell flat on my face and openly confessed that I had failed and fallen then shut my eyes tightly and waited for Him to lash out.

God: Baby girl, am not mad at you and you know it. I love you unconditionally despite your imperfections. I love you even when you fail and fall. Am not looking at where you fell, I need you to look at where you first lost your footing.

Then He took me back months ago when I first slipped, when I treaded on the slippery slope and skid but didn’t fall, when I managed to wobble about and get back to stability.  That was when I should have gotten off that road, I should have known that this wasn’t going to go down well in the end. That was when I compromised a little, I let my guard down a little, I bent my standards just a little. And I thought to myself, well it’s just a little, I can handle it. I can skid a little but won’t fall down. Silly I now know, lol.. Because a little of this and a little of that and a little of everything in between led me to fall flat on my behind.

He led me to this verse Proverbs 24:33-34 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man. You just don’t wake up poor, you gradually walk yourself to poverty by the little things you do repeatedly. You don’t fall in sin at once, it’s the lil things you allow to distract you, the lil things you compromise on and suddenly one day you are knee deep in the mud wailing and wondering how the devil trapped you. Let’s be honest, some times we are our own worst enemies and it has nothing to do with the enemy. Some battles the devil knows he doesn’t need to fight us on because we will be our own downfall ultimately.

Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. If you ever for a moment think that a lil compromise won’t do any harm, try taking one little fox, set its tail on fire and let it run loose on your field. It’s the lil spark that creates a raging fire, it’s that one matchstick that can bring down a forest. Be very careful of the little foxes and the little things, they may seem little at the moment until it all blows up.”

I had this conversation with my Heavenly Father in the beginning of the month and I find it amazing that as the month ends, the Holy Spirit is revisiting the topic and urging me to share this message.

I tend to believe that we don’t accidentally fall in sin. It’s always a slow progression of events. “I woke up and found myself in his bed or I found myself at the club drinking”…these are excuses we craft to make ourselves feel better. James 1:14-15 “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death”

It always starts in our minds and if we allow it, it gradually leads to a slow fade, which reminds me this song by Casting Crowns, Slow Fade:

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white are turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattering leads to compromises, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises leave broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white are turned to gray
And thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

The big question we (Him and I) were deliberating on was; How then do you walk away from the little compromises?I believe that on our own strength, we can’t fight off sin and temptation, on our own we fail and we fail successfully. That’s why we need to be anchored on Christ, the One who has never failed, the One who walked on earth, fully human as well as fully God, the One who was also tempted, like we often are and the One who overcame all victoriously. Hebrews 2:17-18 So He had to be made like His brothers in every way, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, in order to make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted.

Jesus knows what it feels to be tempted, He knows all about our weakness, He knows all about our struggles and He is willing to guide us to the end. The mere fact that He was tempted in every way and yet was without sin makes him able to sympathize with our weaknesses. This alone encourages us to approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16).

If we choose to focus on our own sins, on our failures, our weaknesses we will forever remain scared of the magnitude of our imperfections, which will always tower over us like giants. The more we think to ourselves that we need to quit that bottle, that addiction, that toxic relationship, that negative crowd by our own strength, the more we will feel little and helpless in comparison to the weight of that burden and the more we will sink in deeper.

I know this too well because for years I struggled to live right, to walk away from certain addictions and labels, to stay saved but the more I tried to by myself, the more I failed miserably. So for years I would go to church, be convicted by the sermon, decide to surrender to God then that same afternoon I’d be back in bed, sleeping with the enemy. I can’t even count the number of times I got saved because its as numerous as the stars in the sky. This happened for so long it became a vicious cycle of getting out for a few days, making a few steps forward then plunging back right in, deeper in sin than I was before I left; the story of chasing out one evil spirit then seven more vicious ones coming back to inhabit a vacuum.

It was only until I truly surrendered my heart and life to Christ, until I allowed Him to come dwell in my heart, fill that empty hollow I was trying so hard to fill on my own, it was only until then that I was able to overcome and live victorious. I had to stop looking at my sins and look up to Christ. I had to stop making an idol of my imperfections and look up to the God of perfection for my deliverance. I had to stop fighting on my strength and let Christ be my strength. And I think that’s where most of us believers fail at, we think we can do all things and forget that it’s only through Christ. The beauty about choosing God and setting your focus on Him is that He begins to change you from the inside out, which ultimately reflects on the outside for all to see.

God is light and in Him, there is no darkness. 1^st John 1:5 .When we allow Him to dwell in our lives and we surrender the reigns of control over to Him, He begins to dispel the darkness and eventually we become the light of the world, not because of any glittery glow of our own but because we are redeemed.

If today you feel like you are drowning in darkness, stop fighting the shadows; shadows are merely the absence of light. Invite the Light in, Choose God and watch the darkness melt away!

I’ve been under the weather this entire week, literally, nursing a cold and a bad case of tonsillitis. You know those flare ups you get when you indulge in too much sugar, all in the name of celebrating birthdays, and you console yourself it’s once in an year so you can’t hold out, lol??. Yep, that’s your girl.

So I’ve been indoors all week, dolled up in warm clothes and blankets, you’d think I was hibernating in an igloo ?‍. Thank God for my family who took some time off to come keep me company which made the whole experience feel like one big sleep over filled with lots of laughter. I don’t take it for granted that I have people who can see me at my worst, when am fussy and moody and grumpy but still think the best of me.

My oldest nephew, who grew a few inches taller than me (okay it’s more than a few inches, it’s way waaaay taller but this is my post and I’ll decide how tall you’ll be, ?) and nowadays literally looks down at me while we’re talking, wouldn’t let me sit still. Both him and our youngest nephew (1 year and six months, such an adorable munchkin), God bless his little energetic fireball of a soul, kept me warm on my toes.

It was fascinating watching the lil one playing with his building blocks. He’d sit in his corner, entirely focused on building his castle, then he’d get stuck somewhere, bring down what he’d put up, start all over again, make a few more steps forward, get stuck again and eventually come grab my hand, make me sit down with him and help him out. I loved watching him work his mind trying to figure out the pieces to fit in. He knew the pieces had to fit together but getting them to do so was the key mystery. Anytime he forced them to fit, the block would stand momentarily but as soon as he added another piece, it wobbled down.

As I watched him play, the Holy spirit nudged me that’s how it was with our walk of faith so I sat up and paid a closer attention. Our lives are indeed Pieces and Puzzles; we don’t always get the full picture of how it will be. All we have are bits here and bits there as we try and figure the whole picture out. The only person who knows the beginning from the end, who knows what works and what won’t work, who knows the plans for our lives is our creator himself, our heavenly Father, God Almighty. And He says so in Jeremiah 29:11 ^“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Many are the times we try to build our lives on our own strength using our own wisdom but it pretty much ends up as the man who built his house on sand; the rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. (Matthew 7:24-27). It may look like the pieces have fit perfectly, it may look like the castle will stand but we forget that with a weak foundation, nothing stands up in the face of adversity, all sham and drudgery comes tumbling down.

It’s no wonder we look around and see people we all thought were doing well in life, only to come crushing down and crushing hard because all they ever did was put up a show on a weak wobbly foundation. I know because I’ve been there, I know because I once put up a good show, only to fall off the wall faster than humpty dumpty himself, lol ?. I know how it feels to try fit those puzzles by yourself, in your ignorance and foolishness, trying to find your way in a maze, blind as a mouse but still groping in the dark looking for a way out.

Trust me, everything in our lives that doesn’t stand right will never be upright. We may try and make it look right but it will never be right.

We can’t figure our lives on our own, not without running to the arms of the one who knows why He created us and the exact reason He created us. Anything less of this will be us trying to grope around, fitting pieces here and there, some fit in, some stick out like a sore thumb, but nothing will come close to looking like the masterpiece the Creator had in mind in for us. Because He is the God of perfection, His plans are good, pleasing and perfect, anything we do outside His will be a cheap imitation.

Looking back at my life, I spent so many years trying to figure out myself, I ended up making the wrong decisions, engaging in wrong activities, pouring out my all in negative relationships, enslaved in addictions and chained to baggage that defined me. All because I wanted control over my pieces of the puzzle, I wanted so bad to be in charge of how it all fit in, be in charge of what I say, what I do, who I date etc. that I didn’t notice I was slowly putting myself up for misery.

But I thank God for His amazing grace that saved a wretch like a me. I was completely lost and blind but He found me and I now can see that only He can make a priceless treasure out of any ruins we are willing to submit to Him. Those pieces I tried to fix for more than 8 years took us (Him and I) two months to figure out, clean up and we set out on a journey where daily I surrender to Him, His will and He molds me into my destiny, a destiny He already ordained for me even before the beginning of time.

And what always makes me tear up is that despite my messes, despite those lost days, despite my imperfections, He never at any given point thought of scrapping out His plans for my life, He never gave up on me no matter how many times I kept running away from Him, He never thought that I was undeserving of His love and grace and His will. While I was still a sinner, God still demonstrated His love for me by sending Christ to die for me; no one has greater love than this: to lay down His life for His friends.

Am I still trying to figure out the pieces and puzzles of my life? Yes, I still think of how I’d want my life to be but I don’t fight God about it anymore. Yes, I have desires, but am learning to conform them to His. It’s His way, His will. He does what is best for me and I do what’s best for us (Him and I), I obey because I’ve learnt that obedience is way better than sacrifice.

Is my life making sense? Am letting Him use me in his Kingdom for His glory and honor.

Do I know what lies ahead for me? Nope, he he ?. Only He does and as along as my hand is in the hands of Him who holds tomorrow, am buckled up, excited for the amazing ride we will have because am assured there’s no way this could turn out wrong.

Am I happy? Absolutely, I am infinitely blessed, thankful and whole. My pieces and puzzles are in the right hands and He is making a Master Piece.