Njeri Muthuya

In two weeks’ time I’ll turn an year older in my walk of faith. Just the mere thought of it makes me want to jump up and down in excitement. I can’t believe that it’s been twelve months already. Truly all I can say is that God is my Ebenezer and He is faithful in all seasons. He has constantly been my pillar of strength, my rock and fortress. I’ve come to the beautiful realization that without Him, I am completely nothing.

I wonder how I existed before, whose strength was I plugging into? Clearly I was incapable of doing life solo. In retrospection, that explains all the heart break and breakdowns I faced in life. The times when things were not working out and I stretched myself thin to the point of wearing out. The days I would be hit hard by life and because my foundation was weak and shallow I would crumble in despair. Looking back, I can only laugh at my then version of doing life.

It’s true that in life we struggle because we allow ourselves to. We know that we are incapable of handling life challenges on our own yet we stubbornly refuse to let go of the reins of control; refuse to hand it over to Him who can comfortably do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20) Then we go about life crushed and weathered down wondering what went so wrong.

I’ve learnt a lot in the past one year and I’ve grown immensely as well in my journey. Grown in discipleship, grown in word and prayer, grown in service and ministry and ultimately paving the way in my purpose. It’s been a beautiful journey which I never have to walk alone. My God loves me unconditionally, accepts my perfections wholeheartedly, corrects me gently and molds me slowly to be more Christ-like each and every minute. I can tell you for a fact the moments I am about to step into something nasty or say something wrong and the Spirit nudges me softly to pause and reflect. There are mornings we deliberate on what I’ll wear and He always wins those silent battles. It has ultimately been a 360 degree change in my life.

I’ve never felt love like this before, cliché yes lol but oh so true. If you think you’ve loved, wait till Christ reveals to you what love is and how love looks and feels like. If I was to summarize in one word how this journey has been, I’d settle for freedom. That’s what my salvation means to me. Freedom. Freedom to know who I truly am and to live exceptionally in that truth. Freedom to be the best I can be because Christ strengthens me to step out in greatness. Freedom from daily struggles, from worries and anxiety, from fear, from bondage of addictions; freedom to be me and be all He calls me to be. And trust me, He sees so much in me that I don’t see myself because His faith in me is stronger than my self-belief.

So every day I wake up, plug in to my anchor, then step out and live life large because my daddy owns the whole world and nothing can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38-39) It’s not always picture perfect, there are days we argue about how things went down and I throw tantrums because I wanted my way. But He always helps me see that all things work out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose and that His thoughts are way much higher than mine so ultimately His plans are to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am loved. I am accepted. I am redeemed. I am restored. I am forgiven. I am treasured. I am blessed. And above all, I am assured of a life time in eternity with the lover of my soul. That is my freedom.

I see a young girl in church, she’s born again, she believes in Christ as her Lord and Savior, most days she’s happy but some days she is sad and tormented. On those low days, sadly the biggest tormentor is herself. She heavily critics herself and thinks she is not worthy of love,happiness and acceptance.

These are the days she lives in the pain and bitterness of her past. A past she can’t go back and change, a past that she had little influence over, but still a past she carries heavily a burden in her heart and it weighs her down.

Yes they hurt her physically, traumatized her psychologically and scarred her emotionally but she hasn’t let go of them. She still lives in that prison reliving the heart breaking memories. It’s like it happens every time she closes her eyes. In a blink of an eye and she’s back to feeling helpless and tortured..all over again.

She can’t open up to anyone because she’s perfected the art of masking her pain in a facade that blinds people from the war raging within. She thinks she’s not beautiful, that they won’t understand her pain, that other girls are more prettier with more amazing personalities than her, the confident girls all the boys run to..not broken girls like herself.

Oh little precious one, when will you accept that you’re loved by the most high God and in His eyes, you’re a jewel, a priceless one. A treasure that He gladly put down His life for so He could hang on the cross, like a cursed man, yet blameless just to save you. And Yes He would do it all over again to save you. Because nothing in this world matters more than you. That nothing can separate you from His love. That in His eyes you’re perfect,wonderfully made and by His sanctification, He’s cleansing you and making you holy and blameless because His precious blood makes you white as snow and speaks life over every dry bone in your life.

Yes He sees the scars in your heart and He is ever so willing to heal you if you would only let go of the tight grip you’re holding onto the pain. He wants to step in and ease the burden but you need to step aside and let Him do what He does best; redeem,restore,reconcile. He’s knocking so gently on the door of your heart. He sees the tears you cry every night and it breaks His heart because He’s totally in love with you and wants to wipe away every little tear you’ve shed.

Baby girl just admit it,you can’t do it on your own. You’ve tried to heal the pain your way, you’ve looked for men to soothe the pain but they leave you more broken and hurting. You’ve opened up to your friends but they’ve stabbed your back and laughed in your face, judging the battle you face and despising the scars you bear.

You need Jesus. He’s the only way, the truth and the life. In Him you’ll find all you need and immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within you. His yoke is easy, His burden is light and His arms are wide open waiting for His precious princess to go back home.

And once He’s done bestowing on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, you will be called an oak of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

In their eyes they think you’re doomed, in your eyes you think you’re the epic failure, but in His eyes, He sees His precious beloved heartbeat. Trust Him and the process, He’ll make your scars beautiful.

Prayer

Heavenly father, thank you for your love and the great sacrifice you gave to redeem me. I trust my pain with you and step aside for you to work out all things for good. Thank you that in Your eyes, I am loved, forgiven, accepted, healed, restored and beautiful. Help me every day to look up to you for my worth in Jesus name, Amen!

Our Kenyan roads are always a sight to behold and don’t get me started on the crazy traffic jams. Though I did find a strategy to help me bear the hours in the standstill moments; grabbing a book and making the most out of every minute. Because we are encouraged in Philippians 2:14-15 Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine as stars in the universe.

We have a unique culture on our roads, unspoken yes, but one that is adhered to in almost every town across the country. A culture whereby the minority is expected to pave way for the majority without putting up a fight because the latter always has the upper hand. Pedestrians will have their way but will step aside when a cyclist approaches. The cyclist will pave way for the biker, who will in turn pave way for the motorist. Motorists who use their own personal vehicles always enjoy a certain autonomy on the road but will always pave way for the matatus, for their own good. Matatu drivers who are a constant menace on the roads will always be pushed over by buses and tracks because ultimately your size dictates your authority on the road. The only time we defy that rule is when an automobile, regardless of its size, has the mandate to rule over all on the roads. A good example is the ambulance, the police patrol vehicles or even some politicians entourage. They have way over all because of the symbol of power they possess.

Over the weekend I was traveling by matatu and I helplessly watched as a bus almost knocked us off the road simply because our driver didn’t want to pave way for the bus. In that moment I had an introspection and reflected how it mirrored my walk of faith.

Am I like the pedestrian, walking on my own, relying on my sole strengths and abilities or am I in Christ, anchored in His love and confident that I can do all things because He strengthens me? Am I walking in the flesh, setting my mind on the things of the flesh or am I living according to the Spirit and the things of the spirit? Because to be carnally minded is death but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. (Romans 8:5-6)

Am I like the cyclist & biker, I’ve heard a thing or two about Christ, it sounds pretty good but am not yet in the bandwagon? Am I settled with living on the fence? Am I like the seed that fell by the wayside, birds came and devoured them; when I hear the word of the kingdom, I don’t understand it then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in my heart.(Refer parable of the sower Matthew 13:3-23)

Am I like the motorist, I know about God and I believe in Him but my faith is dependent on the size of my challenges? Do I cower in fear when my hardships overwhelm me and pave way for them in my walk of faith or do I magnify my faith to allow me to push over my situations? Because ultimately the size of my faith will determine how I move the mountains in my life. “For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”(Matthew 17:20). Do I allow my problems to affect my faith or do I allow my faith to have a rippling effect on my problems?

Lastly, am I like the ambulance, my size doesn’t define how I rule over the roads in my life because every mountain knows the power and authority in me and paves way? That I am confident in the authority am I walking in here on earth. That I know who I am and who I belong to. That I am a royal priesthood, a chosen generation, a Holy Nation? (1^st Peter 2: 9) That I was chosen in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blame before Him in love? (Ephesians 1:4) I know the power that is within me? That it is God who works in me both to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13) and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think according to the power that walks in us? That it doesn’t matter which challenge approaches me because I am of God and He who is in me is greater that he who is in the world. (1st John 4:4) And that in all these things I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

There is a saying we love quoting to encourage ourselves in hardships but I believe it should be more than a saying, it should be our lifestyle. That in all trials and tribulations, we shouldn’t merely cry out to God about how big our problems are but focus on telling our problems how BIG our God is because Jehovah is His name, He is the mighty warrior, He is great in battle and ultimately our faith paves way for our victories.

It’s exactly midnight, am in bed, curled up ready to rest. Just when am about to close my eyes, as am drifting off thinking about one or two things, the rain starts to gently fall. I smile to myself because nothing beats sleeping to the sound of rain, something so soothing about listening to the raindrops pelting the roof.

Gradually the rains intensify and I think to myself how glad I am to be indoors and warm for that matter. My thoughts roam to those out there at such a time, perhaps running late, with no umbrella. Or those who don’t have the blessing of a roof above their heads. Must be a tough night, drenching and freezing out in the cold. By this time it’s raining so furiously you’d think the skies have a bone to pick with earth.

Then it hits me how this scenario reflects my walk of faith. In a world that’s cold, dark and in a storm am kept warm safe indoors in my master’s arms. I don’t need to be afraid of the heavy rains, though I feel them when they fall. I rest assured that my savior is embracing me and I can close my eyes and rest. I don’t need to be alarmed for He keeps watch over me.

The beauty of surrendering to Christ is knowing He is with me in the boat and He calms my storms. That I don’t need to do struggle on my own, that He strengthens me to do all things. And that even in my weakness, His grace is sufficient for His power is made perfect in me. That He came so I could have life and have it in abundance.

I never want to go back to outside to the cold world, freezing myself to death and looking for temporary means to light me up and keep me warm. That facade is just but a sinking sand. I want to build my life on Christ, my rock, my fortress and my deliverer(Psalms 18:2) I want to build my house on Him so that when the rains come, streams rise, the winds blow against me, and I will not fall because my foundation is on Christ the solid rock. (Matthew 7:25-27)

As soon as am finished jotting down my thoughts, the rains come to a halt and I rejoice within because for me it had served its purpose for the night. Reminding me that the best decision I made was accepting Christ as my Lord and savior. It’s not an assurance that the rains won’t fall, but that if they do, I will be held safe in His arms, carried through the storms so that I can sleep with a smile.