1st of June 2022. Happy new month or should I say Happy New Year because it’s the first blog of 2022 lol but I will suppress that thought because what’s new about the year this far lol. Happy Mid-Year instead. Also part of me wants to ask “Can you believe the last time we were in here blogging was January 2021”??? But nope, I will also suppress that too because it’s pretty obvious that this writer has been ghosting for a while, a pretty long while.
The first few days of ghosting, I felt extremely horrible for letting myself, my walk of faith and my readers down, then another couple of weeks down the line I felt a little less horrible and then it spiraled downwards until months turned into an year and I honestly no longer felt horrible, I succumbed and just became numb.
But the flame never withered or died out, it was always in there, holding on to the last embers, hope faintly burning on that one day we would get back to this ministry, that one day God would restore us back to penning down what He places in my heart, that one day God would still delight in using me as His vessel to speak to His children.
I held on that hope, I clung on it with every fiber in my spirit and I refused to let go. I held on to the hope that we would get back here even in the days of gloom and utter despair, days of doubt and fighting the lies being whispered so loudly in my mind. I had loved ones who would keep querying why I stopped writing and most importantly when I would get back to it. I kept paying for the annual subscriptions to renew my blog even in the moments of pin drop silence.
That was me holding on to this hope. That was me trusting in the God of second, third fourth and even a hundred chances. That was me resting in the assurance of the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father, in the knowledge that He still reigned and He would delight in a broken and contrite spirit. That He would run out to receive the prodigal daughter who had left home indignantly, that He would embrace her, her messes, her scars and wounds and that He would once again clothe her with His glory.
Here we are today, 16 months down the line and we are back to blogging, back to what I love doing and most importantly back to serving and walking in obedience. I am so grateful to God for His never ending mercies and His faithfulness even in my faithlessness. I am so grateful that He never grows weary of picking me up and getting me back on track. I am so grateful that He never gets tired of my brokenness, my weaknesses, my imperfections, that He never grows impatient with this living sacrifice that keeps crawling away from the altar.
I have been saved for 6 years now and I will confess that salvation is a beautiful, exhilarating and life changing journey but truth be told it’s not always glitz and glam. It has its hills and valleys moment. Moments you’re on the mountain top celebrating victories and testimonies and answered prayers: the highlights of your walk of faith. Then the other moments when you’re knee deep in the valleys, drowning in fear, battling unbelief and fighting raging wars within your spirit and your environment.
Moments you’ll pray fervently for certain requests and some will be answered almost immediately with joy and thanksgiving but some will take years and years of still praying, still hoping, still believing and still holding onto the faith. Moments you are 100% certain, assured and totally confident in your calling then the other moments where you are sinking in a sea of doubt, moments of thinking “ Am I really called? Was I called? Did I hear right or did I call myself?”
I’ve still have my fair share of highs and lows: highs that have been incredibly-mind blowing and literally the favour of God shining through and lows have been down right heart-breaking. But in these moments, God remains the same. He knows and sees the end from the beginning so He knows how the story started, how it will end and everything in between. Nothing catches Him by surprise. In all these moments, He remains God and all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
In all these moments am learning that to be rooted in Christ, He ups the walk of faith because He needs us to grow deeper roots that will sustain us, He needs our faith to be strengthened and sometimes that comes through shaking up the foundations. He needs us to walk in the fire and be purified, He needs us to be pruned in the Gardener’s hands so we can be more fruitful. He needs us to camp at His altar continually so that when the tests, the trials, the temptations, the hurdles and the challenges come, they find us in Christ where we are assured of victory.
And you know the best part is coming out victoriously and not looking like what we have been through. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who stepped out of the fire and the high officers, officials, governors, and advisers crowded around them and saw that the fire had not touched them. Not a hair on their heads was singed, and their clothing was not scorched. They didn’t even smell of smoke! Daniel 3:26-27.
I am a witness that God bestows a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. And when He does, we will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3.
Am excited to get back here and I have a lot to share about this amazing journey of faith, this beautiful love story of a girl and her lover: The Lord Jesus Christ and by His grace, we will share the story all for His glory.
Welcome Back Home!!