Am writing this on my way home from a long tiring crazy day at work and am in such a grouchy mood I can’t even afford a smile. And yes I know Christians should “rejoice and again I say rejoice”, lol. But hey, there are these days if we are honest enough to admit.
I can tell the day’s fatigue is the major reason for my foul mood but isn’t it funny how when we are kicked down that the devil starts whispering lies in your ears? Lies you ordinarily wouldn’t believe but now they all sound and seem so surreal. Father of all lies indeed.
So now am looking at my life with his magnifying glass and all my flaws have been illuminated so brightly it’s making me kick myself harder. Looking at ladies walking in the streets with perfect makeup, flawless skin and am reminded how am here struggling with acne and it agitates me. Watching slim fit models wearing out their curves proudly and am reminded how I am struggling with a lil fat here and a lil fat there and a lil fat everywhere in the wrong places. A chic passes by with such a long dark beautiful mane of natural hair and am reminded how am struggling with my kinky curls and coils that just won’t budge.
Then he takes it a notch higher and reminds me of the inner struggles am battling. Days I wake up too tired and lazy to have my devotions so I quickly mumble a few words and start off my day. Days I struggle to consistently read the Bible so I skim over a couple of verses and am good to go. Days I wake up and I don’t want to go to church, I want to chill in my pajamas and attend church from my couch. Days I’ve looked back at prayer requests I made and they’re yet to be answered so I doubt whether I was heard from above. He reminds me of my failures, areas I messed up, things I did, mistakes I made, tests am still falling and the list goes on and on…struggle after struggle and by the time he gets to the end, I am so drained emotionally I want to run to a corner, bury myself and weep bitterly.
But I thank God that my helper, the Holy Spirit, never leaves my side no matter how much the boat is rocked. And while I am feeling helpless and drowning in self pity, He stands by my side and gently whispers the truth that is buried underneath all the lies. That my mild acne is actually clearing up (victory dance), I‘ve lost two kgs, my hair has really grown despite the snail pace and above all, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.( Romans 8:1 )
He points me to the cross and reminds me all my iniquities and transgressions were left there when Christ took my sins upon Himself so I could take on His righteousness and therefore I am justified. No one has the right legally to accuse me. He reminds me that daily He walks with me, sanctifies me, setting me apart and washing me in His word that He may present me as glorious, not having spots or wrinkles but that I should be holy and without blemish (Ephesians 5: 26-27). That in the eyes of Christ I am forgiven, beautiful, deeply loved, perfect and He would die for me on the cross all over again if He had to.
So yes I am flawed and broken but am broken in the hands of a Master who delights in molding me to perfection; the image of Christ. Now that doesn’t guarantee I won’t have my bad days but when I do, all I have to do is view myself in His eyes, not my eyes which may fail me, not the devil’s lies which will always condemn me, but in the eyes of the man who proved to the world that I am worth dying for and definitely worth coming back for; my eternal love- Christ!
Happy New Month and remember; decide on the truth you’ll stand on, embrace yourself as you are then wake up, get out and get moving to your destiny!