BAKE (Bloggers Association of Kenya) 2019 Winners gala happened this weekend and am more than humbled to say the least…truly God is amazing and super faithful. Who would have thought that three years down the line of salvation and an year into blogging, this girl would be nominated for a national award under best religious/ spiritual blog, placed in the same category as personalities I’ve grown up looking up to… But God. He qualifies the unqualified.
I look back at the journey it has taken to get here and I want to break down in tears…years of struggling with anger, bitterness and hurt from a broken childhood that left me totally messed up. Years of struggling with self-esteem and self-worth, lost in a lack of identity because of father wounds. Years of searching for my validation in the arms of the wrong men, a search that left me more hurt, broken and damaged. Years of struggling to believe that my life could be better than the situation I lived in, years of doubt that God would forgive me for my mistakes and that He, in his perfect Holiness could love a sinner like I was. I never thought that He could see past my imperfections, no matter how hard it was preached to me so I ended up running to the wrong places to quench all the lies that had become my reality.
Only a Father’s pure unconditional love can reach out to the grimy, slimy pits of emptiness and hopelessness, the deep trenches of hurt and brokenness, the dark caves clouded with despair and desperation. Only a Father’s heart can feel the last desperate heartbeats of a child who’s giving up on life and show up just in the nick time. Only a Father’s eyes can see beyond the smiles and the make-up, the facades and appearances we put for people yet deep down we are sinking further into depression. And only a Father’s arms can stretch open wide to receive us in our blood stained attires, embrace us and give new garments of praise, new identities and make us new creations. What can’t God do?
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendour.
Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV
Our God is faithful to His word, He is not a man that He should lie and today I stand as a testimony that He has fulfilled the promises He made, He has clothed me with honour and Shekinah glory. If I was left to the enemy, I would be standing naked, shamed and degraded but who is like Christ, our beautifier who gives beauty for ashes, our restorer who takes our broken pieces and molds into a master piece, our Savior who rescues us from the jaws of the devil, our Redeemer who sanctifies us, cleansing us by the washing with water through the word so He can present us to Himself without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.
The BAKE Awards Winners gala event was a black tie and am so grateful to my girl squad who helped me glam up and look like Cinderella (you girls are amazing) but for me the ultimate joy was in the inner work that Christ has done for me, the scars that He has chosen to use for His glory, the vessel of clay that He has honored to be an evidence of His hand upon my life, a shunned past that He decided to use as a testimony for His honor.
We gracefully lost the award to none other than Penstrokes , a ministry that I’ve been closely following even before I got saved and he has been an inspiration and role model to so many people, am certain heaven is proud to call him a son. When I grow up, sigh hehe… Special thanks to my chief campaigner, your zeal and infectious energy was felt, like a ripple across an ocean.
That night on my way home, the father of all lies, the devil, the sly cunning deceiving one didn’t waste any time to sneak in and whisper the familiar lies that for so long, I had believed as my truths. He openly mocked me, asking why God allowed me to come this far and lose, why God allowed me to put myself out there, to spend my energy, time and resources to show up at the gala night only to lose. But I wasn’t going to let him win, I looked him straight in the eye and reminded him that everything works together for good for those who love God and are called by His name. I reminded him that I was a victor in Christ, I reminded him of all the battles Christ had already won for me and that I was a conqueror. If anything, he was the one who lost 2000 years ago and the cross at Calvary and the empty tomb was his constant reminder.
Someone special reminded me over the weekend that it’s not always about getting accolades but the bigger picture and the highest calling is the impact of the blog as a ministry and the number of souls that will be saved for the glory and honor of Christ. And if you ask me, there’s no greater reward that will measure up to one day hearing my Savior say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”
So this is a reminder to everyone who’s going through the deep waters that God isn’t done with you, He is working on your story and if you allow Him, He’ll change the narrative for best and for eternity. You’re not too broken. You’re not too lost. You’re not too dirty. You’re not unlovable. You’re just perfect in His eyes. Nothing you’ve ever done and will ever do will separate you from His love. Your weaknesses are perfect for Him. As Charles Spurgeon once said in a sermon, “God does not need your strength: He has more than enough power of his own. He asks your weakness: He has none of that Himself, and He is longing, therefore, to take your weakness, and use it as the instrument in His own mighty hand. Will you not yield your weakness to Him, and receive his strength?
‘If you think you’ve blown God’s will for your life, rest in this… You my beautiful friend are not that powerful”
Jesus loves taking messes and transforming them into priceless rubies. I used to like the idea of people thinking that I had it all together, now I can’t wait to tell them how much of a mess I was and show them what the power of God can do, all for His glory and honor.. Amen.
PS: Thank you all for taking your time to vote for the blog, am forever indebted for your love and support. May God richly reward you and may you never tire of giving selflessly. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38
Special shout out to my beautiful make up artist, a woman of God with an amazing kind heart, Wanjiru Njenga. Please check her out on Instagram as @wanjiartistry.