Since I gave my life to Christ, the last five months have been the most amazing moments in my life. All along I knew about God and heard of this amazing love He had for us but I struggled to relate to it. Now I have experienced firsthand how real and deep His love for me is, how His word is true and the overwhelming grace and embrace He constantly showers me with. I have learnt to accept the past for what it truly is: a learning experience, learnt to let go of the past because it doesn’t define me and learnt to accept my identity in Christ. The journey has been truly amazing, experiencing breakthroughs in struggles I’ve borne for ages, enjoying the overwhelming love that pierces through my fears and melts away my pain and above all walking with God as my companion.
It hasn’t been all rosy, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, I’ve stumbled on the way; He has told me to go East and I walked to the West, He’s watched me fall, heard my cry, picked me up, held me close, put me back on the path to West and I run all the way without looking back. I’m learning what it truly means to fully surrender to God, to submit to Him without holding back and controlling some aspects. I’m learning that it’s “All to God or nothing at all”. It’s easier said than done, trust me, I have questioned Him several times and in all my doubt His Love, Presence, Grace and Faithfulness has been constant. Over and over again I fall deeply in love with God.
The hardest struggle has been allowing God to come in my life and change all that was not a reflection of Him. God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet live in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth (1st John 5-6). My walk of faith brought about a change of heart and the desire to live for God and in obedience to His laws. That meant I had to die to self; let go of the old habits and the relationships that were draining me instead of drawing me to God. It was hard pulling myself away from crowds that had become part of me, harder to pull away from thought patterns and deeds that negatively affected my relationship with God and hardest to pull away from someone whom I loved and once thought we would share a life together.
For a while I fought the process, rebelled the change and argued that I could hold on to some things and some people but I always ended on God’s wrong side. It was painful to walk away from moments I held dear in my heart but it was most painful feeling distant from God and ultimately my desire to please God became my only priority. I was reminded that I needed to lose my life for Him so I could find it; what good will it be if a man gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?( Matthew 16: 25-26). My life needed to be solely an audience of one-God.
I haven’t fully achieved that but the beauty about it is that it is a journey and simply not a destination. We don’t get there, we walk towards it and it becomes our walk of faith. I’m learning, I’m changing, I’m growing and above all, I’m happy in Christ. If God is to use you, you can’t have even a hint of sin. If you don’t master your flesh, it will master you. The question you need to ask yourself is “Are you walking the life that God has called you to live? Does your life honor God?”
Stop fighting child, let go and let God.