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Inspiration

Journey To Healing!

It’s four days to the end of the September 2019 and I haven’t blogged this entire month. It’s good to get that off my chest. I am certified procrastinator 🤣 but I assure you this wasn’t the case this time round. I’ve been torn between battling this out on my own privately or pouring out my heart here and every time I felt like cowering away, the Spirit kept reminding me gently that I’ve submitted myself fully to God, all the pieces, broken or whole and it didn’t matter which state I was in, He’d still work it out for good for His glory and honor.

At times we doubt ourselves, our journey, the situations that abound us, if this is not you, that’s perfectly fine, well done,cheers lol…but as for me, am in constant need of grace to get to that space.  God has to constantly remind me that He sees the beauty in my imperfections, that every lil part of me has a purpose in His plans, that He needs all of me, the whole SUM and not just SOME parts. And that if I turn it all over to Him, those broken parts, those lil pieces, those holes, He’ll shine His LIGHT right through them and set the world ablaze.

This has been a heavy month for me.

I was totally ecstatic when the month started, celebrating the last month of Quarter 3, gearing up to achieve the goals I’d set up, ticking off plans and targets, it was coming along great until that fateful morning, 4th September when I got that call early in the morning and my world stopped for a minute as I felt my heart heavily crushing down into a million pieces. We had lost a loved one.

I remember I was preparing to leave for work but I just crushed and sat down, dumb founded with no words to say back, I must have hung up the phone and called out to my mum who came rushing and I broke down in her arms, wailing and trying to explain what had just happened, and for a while we just sat there, crying and trying to come to terms with the devastating news.

For the next two weeks as we went about the burial preparations, I was running on autopilot…my body was up and about, playing different roles, being present and helping out, coordinating activities, smile on my face, being totally strong for my girls but deep down within me, everything was still at a standstill, I had almost become numb. I fought the tears, mustered all my strength and courage but if someone pricked me a lil, I was on the verge of a meltdown. It was so bad, I was struggling to pray, I had so many questions to ask God, I was mad, furious, saddened, broken, crushing.. I wanted Him to hold me so tight but still push Him far away because He allowed this to happen.

I carried my Bible with me, as if trying to get strength from poring through the scripture but nothing made sense, my world was grey skies and dark ugly clouds. It got so bad I found myself craving a hard drink, something I hadn’t done in years, whiskey, rum, tonic just anything to make me forget the pain. I thank God was constantly there, holding me and reminding me my strength only came from Him, no drink, and no human could possibly fill the void. I broke down twice and cried my heart out, the day we went to hospital to see him and the final day we laid him to rest.

It’s been 24 days but still my heart aches, grief has no manual and the journey is different for everyone. Days pass by and you regain your strength in bits, there are days you’ll smile, reminisce the beautiful memories you shared,  laugh again but the pain never goes away, it stays and sticks like glue, it will always be a part of your new life and you learn to share a room with in it your ‘house’. It won’t be the only room you’ll lock yourself in, but it will still be there.

And I think that’s the healthy way of dealing with the loss of a loved one. It’s accepting the pain and embracing it. It’s not rushing to chase it away. It’s making room for it and not fighting it or hiding it away from it. It’s allowing yourself to be in that dark cold room of your grief and also allowing yourself to step into other rooms of joy, happiness, peace and comfort. It’s allowing the grace of God to heal you and hold your hand until you learn to open the windows in the dark room, allow a little sunshine in, some fresh air to make the room alive and eventually, it will be a room you’ll step in and be flooded not with sadness and pain but beautiful memories you shared with them.

I bear my heart here because am not a perfect Christian…am just called by a Perfect Saviour. I have my moments of weaknesses, of failure, of doubt, moments I struggle to pray, read the word, fellowship. But in all these moments, my God never changes. He remains the same who loves me unconditionally, sees me through His lenses of love and grace, floods His mercies new every morning, leaves the throne to come embrace me and rock me like a little girl in His blossom. No am not perfect, am just loved perfectly.

And I’ve learned on the days I can’t run to the throne, or walk this faith out, I can crawl to Him, naked and vulnerable, broken and bruised and He’ll cover me, He’ll wipe away my tears, He’ll bind my broken heart, He is my balm of Gilead. I can always come to Him just the way I am. When I don’t have much to bring and am torn into pieces, that is my offering and I take it to Him. When am tired, churched out, hurt and abused, when I have no strength to fight, no tears to cry, I go to Him because I know one touch will change my life. When all I can do is lay there at the throne, when I can’t open my mouth to pray, I’ll still be at His throne. Because where else would I find my healing and grace??

I know so many of us are going through a rough patch, in one way or another, dealing with this life… And this morning I commit all of us in the able Hands of our heavenly Father, I pray for super natural healing, for comfort, for peace of our minds and hearts that only God can provide, I pray for His overwhelming love to drown us in His embrace, I pray for the strength to pick up ourselves and our pieces, I pray for your presence to walk with us through the valley of the shadows of death.

Lord on our own, we are unable to and we fail so miserably, teach us this morning and all the days of our lives to depend on you wholly and solely, to look up to you even on those days our shoulders are heavily burdened by the sorrow and weight of this world and to always remember that You are for us, You are with us and You are in us, now and always. You’ll never leave us nor forsake us and the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Teach us to hold on to you and cling desperately to your hem because our lives depend in it.

We love you and we adore you, in Jesus name we pray, trusting and believing, and all God’s children say AMEN.

 

Inspiration

Fighting to Become

A story is told of an eagle’s egg that found itself in a hen’s nest and the eaglet grew up all its life knowing and believing it was a chicken.

We all have something about ourselves that we’ve come to believe as our truth and if we are questioned why we believe in it, we really can’t tell. But if we’re honest, we’ll find out that once upon a time….it all started with a lie.

‘When every lie is destroyed then the dragon is defeated for it cannot control what it cannot deceive’

 Chip Brogden.

Why do you act the way you do? What happened to you? What words were spoken over you? What did you grow up witnessing? The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and if he can blind you, if he can cover up your true identity, if he can make you believe lies about yourself then he knows it will affect how you think, how you feel and how you act. Ultimately he keeps you in chains, you walk around heavily burdened under the pressure to live up to the worldly standards, the lies, you live a conflicted life because deep within you the truth is fighting to be unveiled but the lies will not go down without a fight.

If Joseph wasn’t firmly rooted in his identity in God, he would have easily fallen prey for Potiphar’s wife, slept with her and destroyed his destiny to be used by God to rule over Egypt and bring salvation from famine.

Samson, the strongest man in the land ended up blind, shackled and using his strength as a slave, making wheat for his enemies… Simply because he revealed his true identity to the enemies, his source of strength and they ended up cutting his hair. What God had gifted him to use for His glory ended up being used to serve against him. Our identities in the hands of enemies will be turned against us and the Kingdom of God.

“When identity is affected, your purpose becomes corrupted and ultimately your destiny is aborted.”

The journey of becoming starts by finding the lies in our lives that we’ve grown up believing and embracing our identity, replacing them with the truths and taking back your power thus walking in freedom.

“You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8: 32

To the child who grew up in an emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive environment, don’t ever blame yourself for what happened because it wasn’t your fault. You had no control over the circumstances. Don’t let it define you and turn you into who you are not. Don’t allow the bitterness to be part of your DNA such that you end up hurting those around you. You’ll heal if you allow the pain out.

To the lil boy/girl who was defiled, you are not to blame for what they did to you. You were innocent. You were faultless. You didn’t deserve it and you didn’t trigger it. You need to break away from the fears that have bound you. One day you’ll learn to trust and open again, the journey will be painful and you’ll need to be vulnerable in a safe space but it will be worth it.

To the girl who got pregnant outside marriage, the single mum, you’re not a mistake neither is your baby. Your child is a blessing from God and the mere fact that they are alive means God has a purpose for them and has predestined them for a great future. Forgive yourself and embrace your journey. Raise your baby in the best environment you can provide and watch their journey unveil.

To the boy who was rejected by his dad, you are worthy of love and attention. His walking away doesn’t have anything to do with you, it was entirely their decision. You are loved by a heavenly dad who is dying to pour out His love and grace upon you. He’ll provide father figures to hold your hand and walk with you through it all. You are brave and courageous, don’t stop fighting.

To the lover who was cheated on and heartbroken, you are not less of a person because of their poor choices. You are worthy of love. Don’t let their mistakes taint your heart and turn it into an icebox.

To the unwed, there is nothing wrong with your singleness, at the right time, God’s timing, and He will make all things beautiful. Enjoy your season, work on yourself, learn your flaws and perfect your strengths, discover your hobbies, your talents. Find friends who will push you to be the best version of you. Find God and base your identity on His word and His standards. Ask Him to reveal to you what He knows about you and you’ll be blown away.

To the jobless, having a job shouldn’t define you. There are so many professionals who are working but miserable in their jobs, every day they report to work they die a little bit inside. People with big titles end up taking their own lives because they are unhappy and the pressure is too much. Perfect your skills, find what you love doing, thrive in your passion, your talents. Find what you enjoy doing and chase after that. Find a problem in your community and work on getting the solution. Find ways of making a difference in your space and being positive impact. All these other things will fall in place.

To all those who are struggling, fighting a battle, you are not alone. We all have struggles in life, they vary but the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, and the heartbreak is something we’ve all felt. Be encouraged that God has promised He will not give us situations we cannot handle and His grace is indeed sufficient in our weaknesses. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you fail but change your mind set and pick the lessons, knowing that a mistake only remains if we fail to learn from it.

You are not your mistakes. You are not your struggle. Your addictions don’t define you. You are not your childhood experience. It doesn’t matter what they said to you, their words don’t define you. It doesn’t matter what they did to you, their actions are not a baseline of how you should define yourself neither is it the standard you should measure yourself up to. It doesn’t matter who left, I know it pains and hurts but don’t allow the pain to be your identity.

You need to stop looking at yourself via the eyes of your past, via the eyes of a broken world and start seeing yourself for who you really are, as your creator sees you. God sees past your imperfections and He loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, flaws and all. You need to learn the truth about what God says about you and let that truth renew your mind and transform your life.  Read your bible, dig deep and understand who God is and what He says about you. Plug in to fellowships that teach the word of God, find friends who will point you to Christ, join communities of believers who you can share your faith with and will guide you in accountability. You need to do everything possible within your means to win the battle with your mind. Your mind is a battlefield, the enemy will seek to confuse you with wrong thoughts and ensnare you with lies but we have been commanded to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. Protect your mind by feeding it the word of God.

If the world, broken as it is, becomes your mirror, then without a doubt you will always see shattered pieces of yourself and you’ll never be whole. If Christ becomes your identity, then you’ll walk in the fullness of His grace, His love, His peace, His unconditional love. You will know the reason why you were created and the great plans He has in store for you. You will walk in your purpose and fulfil his good, perfect and pleasing will.

In the world’s eyes they think you’re doomed, in your eyes you think you’re the epic failure, but in His eyes, He sees His precious beloved heartbeat.

I love this song by Lauren Daigle, You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough,
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up,
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know (ooh oh).
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing,
You say I am strong when I think I am weak,
You say I am held when I am falling short,
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours,
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe!
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me,
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity, (ooh oh),
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing,
You say I am strong when I think I am weak,
And You say I am held when I am falling short,
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours,
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe!
Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet,
You have every failure God, and You’ll have every victory, (ooh oh)
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing,
You say I am strong when I think I am weak,
You say I am held when I am falling short,
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours,
And I believe (I), oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe!
Oh I believe (I), yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh I believe (oh)
Let God show you how He views you and that will be the starting point of a beautiful journey of embracing your purpose and walking to your destiny and I promise you that’s a journey worth fighting for.
Inspiration Motivation

My A to Z Gratitude List

Happy new month..yaaaay!! I can’t believe 2019 is seven months down the line, honestly that went by fast. I am in that space in my head and heart where I am looking back at how the year has been and taking stock of the milestones God has enabled me to attain so far. While at times this can be daunting because it hit me hard that there are only five months left in the year to achieve all the goals set up for this year, but it can equally be gratifying to just adopt a heart of gratitude, reflecting the far I’ve reached and to acknowledge that at least am not where I was when the year started.

Lately I’ve just been melting in gratitude, learning to trust God and give Him hallway-praises and am truly appreciating the lessons God is intentionally teaching me this year with the centre lesson: being grateful at every stage of life, appreciating the wins, big or small and remaining focused, not on my situations but on God at all times. Because if we are honest with ourselves, behind every anxiety, worry and fear is a child of God who momentarily took their eyes off Christ and magnified their situations. Forgetting that what got them through in the first place was not their strength, might or abilities but the grace God and that if He saved the day then, He is still able to do so again and again.

So here are a few things am entirely grateful to God for:

Animations.

Am not a big fan of movies or series but if I could, I’d binge watch on cartoons and animation all weekend long, lol..and it’s not because of my nephews or nieces, not at all, am just a child at heart. That plus if you watch them with a keen heart, there are plenty of lil nuggets of wisdom infused in the story line. I remember watching Finding Nemo for the first time and I cried, lol as I related to how God relentlessly pursues us until we are back home, Lion king taught me about identity and always remembering who I am and to whom I belong.. I could go on and on but am grateful that even as I continue to age gracefully, the child in me lives on.

Blogging.

I’ve been blogging for an year and a couple of months and it has been the most exhilarating journey in my walk of faith. What started out as a call to obedience has slowly evolved into a ministry where am witnessing God touching the lives of others through the words He puts in me. There are days I feel overwhelmed but I’ve come learn that it’s never been about me but about Him who enables me. All the glory goes back to Him, am just a vessel that’s humbled and honored to be used in His kingdom. Who knows, maybe we’ll write a book before we turn 30.

Christ.

Ever since I accepted Him in my life, I’ve never been the same.♥️♥️

Devotions.

I’ll be honest, for the longest time I’ve been struggling to be consistent in my QT (quiet time) with God. There are days I’ll wake up early and have my devotion then there those days I snooze the alarm a hundred times before waking up and dragging myself to start the day. Days I’ll attend the weekly services regularly then weeks I’ll be so caught up in my own world and fail to prioritize fellowship. But am grateful that the hunger and thirst to seek God never dies and am learning how to be intentional in pursuing and nurturing my relationship with God. I have a plan to finish reading the New Testament by end of Dec 2019 and am praying I’ll have a testimony to this.

Ecclesia group.

My amazing Egroup fellowship, you guys are absolutely awesome, full of grace, wisdom and love and am always assured of an edifying time every time we meet. A brief about Egroup. So I fellowship at Trinity Chapel Ruiru where our vision is growing deep to reach wide and become audacious agents of change. We strongly believe that we should be rooted in four core essentials which are: I choose to Grow, Belong, Serve and Go. There’s nothing like plugging in to a small community of believers who are authentic in their pursuit of Christ and always willing to be vulnerable to each other as we seek His righteousness.

Family.

Family is everything and am grateful I have one that’s full of love and laughter. Anytime we are together, whether it’s out and about or just chilling indoors drinking tea (we are tea lovers, all except one) it’s always a good time. Am grateful that we can be honest with each other about things we go through knowing that we’ll always have each other’s back. Grateful to have nieces and nephews to keep me on my toes.

Girlfriends.

‘Find your tribe and love them hard’. Am grateful for my tribemates and the journey we’ve shared this far. It’s a blessing to have a circle of friends who have seen you at your worst and still see the best in you, friends who cheer you through your wins and still be bold enough to lovingly correct you when you stray. We don’t talk 24/7 because of responsibilities but we know we have each other’s back and when we do catch up, it’s like we never were away. We sometimes cross each other because it’s not always rosy but we are committed to a lifetime of friendship.

Hugs.

Who doesn’t love hugs especially after a tough day.

Intentionality.

Am grateful that am learning how to be intentional in all things like my Heavenly Daddy.

Joy.

For a long time I searched for happiness in people, things, situations until I learned that I couldn’t find it out there because it was elusive. I’ve learnt to find my joy and delight in the Lord and it’s what keeps me going even though the storms.

Kindness.

A lil kindness goes a long away and we don’t need to have much to touch someone’s life. It’s all in the lil things we do and I love adding a smile to someone’s day.

Listening.

Am grateful that am slowly learning to listen to people and not just hear them, to absorb every word they say without thinking of what to say next. Being a great conversationalist isn’t always about what you say but how you make people feel.

My mum

I could write a whole piece and still words wouldn’t be enough. Am grateful for having an extremely supportive mum who understands me, loves me through all my craziness, who’s stood by me through thick and thin. It hasn’t been all rosy but she’s clothed with grace and strength. Am grateful for the times we spend together, talking, catching up, and watching action programs while shouting at the characters on screen, lol. She’s all I have and I pray that God will satisfy her with long life, that she’ll enjoy the fruits of her labour, witness the answers to her prayers, watch her children prosper, enjoy her grand kids and have the energy to run and play along.

Noodles.

My niece’s and I favorite easy go to snack especially on those lazy days we’re watching cartoons and don’t feel like putting effort in the kitchen.

Outdoors.

I love being outdoors, taking walks on nature trails and enjoying the clean crisp air, cycling or hiking. Nothing clears my mind and rejuvenates me more. Last weekend one of my girlfriend turned 30 (Happy Birthday Babes, it’s still your birthday week) and we went hiking with the girls. Oh the fun and excruciating pain. (You owe us a spa treat). That’s my kind of fun, picnics, road trips and I love it.

Purpose.

Initially I thought purpose was one big mystery that God would unravel at once, that one big thing I had to do which always led me to a moment of worry and anxiety trying to crack my head around it, walking around asking for clues. But I’ve learned that wherever God has freed you is the very area that He wants to use you. Seeking our purpose isn’t a big mystery any more, but rather sharing our victories with others and helping them overcome as we have through the power of Christ. It’s in making a difference and an impact in the areas that God has placed us at the moment.

Quest.

Quest is the children ministry at my home church, Trinity Chapel Ruiru where I get to serve most Sundays. Am passionate about children and getting to play a role in setting up the foundation of Christ from as early as 2 years. Kids are beautifully innocent, with big genuine smiles and pure loving hearts. Am so honored every moment I spend in their presence learning from them as well as pouring little seeds that will God willing blossom in later years. If you live along Thika Road, around Ruiru and it’s surrounding areas, please bring your children (aged between 4 years to 11 years) over to our church for the August Vacation Bible School.

 

Rique ♥️

Sunsets and sunrises.

Every morning I wake up to a sunrise my heart swells in sheer joy and I fall a little more in love with my creator. Nothing beats the beauty of a glistening sky. It’s our little secret code as His reminder of the beautiful infinite love He has for me.

Trials.

A few years ago I dreaded the trials because I was so focused on what was happening outside of me. But Christ has taught me that every trial and challenge has a purpose it’s working out in my life if only I take some time and see the lesson.

Unconditional love.

Where would I be without God’s love? I shudder to think or imagine. His love is the sole reason I stand tall every day, embracing my imperfections and resting confidently in the fact that He sees the beauty in my imperfections. Nothing can separate us from His love.

Vulnerability

For a very long time I was accustomed to building high walls around my heart to keep off people from hurting me more or from seeing the mess I was. Nowadays am unashamed to invite people in so they can see the brokenness and beauty of trusting in Christ who pieces us back together, like the masterpiece we were born to be.

Wait.

Am learning some beautiful lessons every time I’ve had to wait for something, a prayer, a desire, a dream, a confirmation of a vision.. Name it. And the lesson has been trusting God even when nothing seems to be working out because He never stops working behind the scenes.

X neXt hehehe.

Yielding.

Am grateful that as we continue to journey this walk of faith, am gradually learning to yield to God’s will, learning to let go and surrender to Him, learning to relinquish control back to the throne and walking in complete trust and obedience. It’s not easy, we still struggle but I remain teachable and He remains a good good father.

Zzz

Yes am grateful for every night I’ve had some good night sleep. I am not oblivious to the fact that there are people who struggle with insomnia. Am grateful that most nights I hit my bed tired, I black out almost instantly and the world would move beneath my bed and I’d still sleep on. Mental health is vital to a wholesome living and getting good sleep is a key component to ensuring we stay refreshed and rejuvenated. If you’re struggling to sleep, there are many ways to beat that including sleeping early, keeping your body healthy and most importantly, did you know you can pray and ask God to give you sleep?

***********

I know God is intentional and nothing He does is ever in vain so am learning to trust and obey His ways against mine. Am learning that it’s meant to be a walk of faith, not a sprint so am cherishing the slow moments, the waits and pauses in between and appreciating the milestones we, He and I, make day by day. Am learning to not be so caught up in seeking more that I forget to realize what I already have and count my blessings one by one. I must admit it’s a beautiful lesson and beautiful season to be in♥️

What are you grateful for?

 

Lots of Love.

 

Inspiration Motivation

Hallway Praises

Have you ever been in prison? Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? Have you ever felt stuck in life? Like things were not moving and you were somehow cemented at the same spot. And if things were indeed moving, it was more of mark timing and revolving around the same ol circles until you gradually evolved into a contemptuous kinda person because that’s what familiarity breeds?

Salvation is a beautiful exhilarating life changing journey but truth be told it’s not always glitz and glam. Can I get an amen, lol. It has its hills and valleys moment. Moments you’re on the mountain top celebrating victories and testimonies and answered prayers: the highlights of your walk of faith. Then the other moments when you’re crawling knee deep in the valleys, drowning in fear, battling unbelief and fighting raging wars within your spirit and your environment.

Moments you’ll stand in the gap and pray for a loved one battling for their lives in ICU and you’ll get a doctor’s report that they are stabilizing and you can’t help but break out in song and dance. Then days later they succumb to the illness and you take a nose dive back in the darkness of the familiar rock bottom valleys. Moments you’ll pray fervently for certain requests and some will be answered almost immediately with joy and thanksgiving but some will take years and years of still praying, still hoping, still believing and still holding onto the faith.

I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows. Some highs have been incredibly mind blowing and literally the favor of God shining through. Some lows have been down right heart-breaking. I remember when I started my journey of faith three years back, the highs were the highlights, lol… It was so exciting getting to know God, understand His word, learn His voice and His ways, watch Him break down everything to my level of faith, like a lil child having candy for the first time. I’ve come to believe that in our first years God makes the journey easier for us so we can open up more to Him, embrace the teachings and enjoy His fellowship, gradually falling in love with Him.

Once we have been rooted in Christ, He ups the game because He needs us to grow deeper roots that will sustain us, He needs our faith to be strengthened and sometimes that comes through shaking up the foundations, He needs us to pass through the fire and be purified so we can stand before Him, holy and spotless. The tests, the trials, the temptations, the hurdles and the challenges come and if they find us in Christ, we are assured of victory. I’ll be honest, I struggled accepting the hard times as part of the process. I loved praising God in the good times but couldn’t find words to utter in the hard times when it hurt the most. Losing my dad one year into salvation was the beginning of a long journey of accepting and embracing the lesson. It wasn’t until 2018 reflections  that I finally let go of the reins of control and entirely submitted that part to God.

I don’t question God anymore, am at place in my faith where I easily trust His will and His ways even when they don’t make sense to me or they don’t look anything like what I had in mind. I praise Him for the instant answers and those that are not forthcoming, yet, those that He knows when He’ll bring to fulfillment at His own time. Even when it hurts, I’ve learned to still praise Him, through the good and the bad. I’ve learned to be grateful when He’s opened doors, thank Him when doors have been closed and praise Him in between the corridors.

If you wait until all things have fallen in place, you’ll will wait all your life. The test is not in the waiting but in the attitude we have while waiting. I don’t want to be like the children of Israel who gave a mighty praise when God rescued them from Pharaoh and the hand of death only to get to the wilderness and start mumbling and grumbling about the hurdles to the point of wishing they were back in Egypt.

I want to be counted a daughter of faith, like Abraham whose faith was unwavering in spite of his prevailing circumstances. I want to be like David who was anointed to be king one day and went back to shepherding flocks, patiently waiting to take his rightful place at the throne at God’s ordained time. It didn’t pain him to watch Saul as king, he joyfully served him, willing to risk his life to save Saul’s. I want to be like Joseph who prospered as a slave, thrived in prison because the hand of God was with him always. His circumstances never defined nor changed his faith in God.

I want to be like Daniel, unafraid to stick to his faith in the land of the captives, bold enough to stand for what he believed in, protecting his body as the temple of God and unwilling to defy it with the king’s delicacies. Oh I want to be like Job who lost everything and still kept His faith, who was slain but still praised God. And ultimately I desire to be Christ like, who was willing to abandon everything, the throne, the glory and take up the cross, be cursed, be tortured, pierced bruised and obey His father’s will.

If the unanswered prayers will have me cling desperately to my Saviour’s hem, then I gladly welcome the wait.

If my desperation will make me oblivious to the crowds around me, like blind Bartimaeus and have me shout out to Jesus, the son of David to have mercy on me then so be it.

If my desire to seek Jesus will have me climb up the sycamore tree like Zacchaeus just to get a glimpse of His face then a tomboy I’ll gladly be.

If in the middle of the storms, when my boat is rocked and the tempest is raging, the billows are tossing high, the sky is overshadowed with blackness, if such moments allow me to witness The Master of the ocean and earth and sky calming the storm down with a word, then I will gladly step out into the seas and sail all my life.

Some of us are waiting for open doors we forget to count the blessings we already have. Some of us have been stuck in the waiting cell for so long, we fail to be productive where we are and to serve in the best capacity we can as we wait. Miracles do happen in the dark as well, in prison cells… Ask Paul and Silas. Acts 16:25-34

Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the Hallway and in the words of Sarah Jean Armstrong, ‘Don’t just praise Him for the door you THINK He’ll open or want Him to. Praise Him for the door He is going to open that will be the BEST for you. Because when we get to a place where our praise is for the mere fact that He and He alone is enough and HIS plan for our lives is what we desire most, the hallways become just as impactful to our lives as the open doors. The hallways are the classrooms of life. They become where we learn to trust when we cannot see, where we are able to learn to walk by faith when the steps before us disappear and where we are able to know the reassured secrets and heart of our God and Father that much more. He has the keys to every door so praise Him for that and then tell Him that whatever one He plans to open next in your life, you are ready for it and for whatever else it is that He has in store.”

I pray you are encouraged to keep on trusting in God, I pray your fire is stirred up within to keep holding on, I pray your spirit is rejuvenated to place your hopes in Christ alone and above all I pray that you never cease praying!

#HallwayPraises

Inspiration

Beauty for Ashes

BAKE (Bloggers Association of Kenya) 2019 Winners gala happened this weekend and am more than humbled to say the least…truly God is amazing and super faithful. Who would have thought that three years down the line of salvation and an year into blogging, this girl would be nominated for a national award under best religious/ spiritual blog, placed in the same category as personalities I’ve grown up looking up to… But God. He qualifies the unqualified.

I look back at the journey it has taken to get here and I want to break down in tears…years of struggling with anger, bitterness and hurt from a broken childhood that left me totally messed up. Years of struggling with self-esteem and self-worth, lost in a lack of identity because of father wounds. Years of searching for my validation in the arms of the wrong men, a search that left me more hurt, broken and damaged. Years of struggling to believe that my life could be better than the situation I lived in, years of doubt that God would forgive me for my mistakes and that He, in his perfect Holiness could love a sinner like I was. I never thought that He could see past my imperfections, no matter how hard it was preached to me so I ended up running to the wrong places to quench all the lies that had become my reality.

Only a Father’s pure unconditional love can reach out to the grimy, slimy pits of emptiness and hopelessness, the deep trenches of hurt and brokenness, the dark caves clouded with despair and desperation. Only a Father’s heart can feel the last desperate heartbeats of a child who’s giving up on life and show up just in the nick time. Only a Father’s eyes can see beyond the smiles and the make-up, the facades and appearances we put for people yet deep down we are sinking further into depression. And only a Father’s arms can stretch open wide to receive us in our blood stained attires, embrace us and give new garments of praise, new identities and make us new creations. What can’t God do?

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,  and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendour.
Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

Our God is faithful to His word, He is not a man that He should lie and today I stand as a testimony that He has fulfilled the promises He made, He has clothed me with honour and Shekinah glory. If I was left to the enemy, I would be standing naked, shamed and degraded but who is like Christ, our beautifier who gives beauty for ashes, our restorer who takes our broken pieces and molds into a master piece, our Savior who rescues us from the jaws of the devil, our Redeemer who sanctifies us, cleansing us by the washing with water through the word so He can present us to Himself without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless.

The BAKE Awards Winners gala event was a black tie and am so grateful to my girl squad who helped me glam up and look like Cinderella (you girls are amazing) but for me the ultimate joy was in the inner work that Christ has done for me, the scars that He has chosen to use for His glory, the vessel of clay that He has honored to be an evidence of His hand upon my life, a shunned past that He decided to use as a testimony for His honor.

We gracefully lost the award to none other than Penstrokes , a ministry that I’ve been closely following even before I got saved and he has been an inspiration and role model to so many people, am certain heaven is proud to call him a son. When I grow up, sigh hehe… Special thanks to my chief campaigner, your zeal and infectious energy was felt, like a ripple across an ocean.

That night on my way home, the father of all lies, the devil, the sly cunning deceiving one didn’t waste any time to sneak in and whisper the familiar lies that for so long, I had believed as my truths. He openly mocked me, asking why God allowed me to come this far and lose, why God allowed me to put myself out there, to spend my energy, time and resources to show up at the gala night only to lose. But I wasn’t going to let him win, I looked him straight in the eye and reminded him that everything works together for good for those who love God and are called by His name. I reminded him that I was a victor in Christ, I reminded him of all the battles Christ had already won for me and that I was a conqueror. If anything, he was the one who lost 2000 years ago and the cross at Calvary and the empty tomb was his constant reminder.

Someone special reminded me over the weekend that it’s not always about getting accolades but the bigger picture and the highest calling is the impact of the blog as a ministry and the number of souls that will be saved for the glory and honor of Christ. And if you ask me, there’s no greater reward that will measure up to one day hearing my Savior say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

So this is a reminder to everyone who’s going through the deep waters that God isn’t done with you, He is working on your story and if you allow Him, He’ll change the narrative for best and for eternity. You’re not too broken. You’re not too lost. You’re not too dirty. You’re not unlovable. You’re just perfect in His eyes. Nothing you’ve ever done and will ever do will separate you from His love. Your weaknesses are perfect for Him.  As Charles Spurgeon once said in a sermon, “God does not need your strength: He has more than enough power of his own. He asks your weakness: He has none of that Himself, and He is longing, therefore, to take your weakness, and use it as the instrument in His own mighty hand. Will you not yield your weakness to Him, and receive his strength?

‘If you think you’ve blown God’s will for your life, rest in this… You my beautiful friend are not that powerful”

Jesus loves taking messes and transforming them into priceless rubies. I used to like the idea of people thinking that I had it all together, now I can’t wait to tell them how much of a mess I was and show them what the power of God can do, all for His glory and honor.. Amen.
PS: Thank you all for taking your time to vote for the blog, am forever indebted for your love and support. May God richly reward you and may you never tire of giving selflessly. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

Special shout out to my beautiful make up artist, a woman of God with an amazing kind heart, Wanjiru Njenga. Please check her out  on Instagram as @wanjiartistry.

 

Inspiration Motivation

It’s All Part of The Plan.

It’s the start of the sixth month of 2019 and as all new beginnings, we should be excited at how far God has brought us, the blessings He has bestowed upon us and the adventures He has in store for us. Unexpectedly for me, the new month has started off with a few changes that I certainly didn’t see coming and it’s thrown me off balance. They say change is inevitable and it’s good but they didn’t say it was going to be easy. I know there’s a good reason why this change had to be made but nonetheless the heart is one stubborn being, lol and when there’s a shift, the first thing we do is feel the loss of what it brings.

The first two days of this month have been somehow comical to the point I thought I had split personalities, hehe. Initially I was very excited preparing for the change then as soon as it was settled, the emotions took over and I was sad about it (they say ladies are hard to read). What was going through my mind was how difficult adjusting would be and how it would affect other areas. All this time, my mind and thoughts were focused on the strain and negative impact it brought because as human as we are, when one door closes, most times we camp at the close door feeling defeated.

This morning as I was having my TAG (Time Alone with God), the Spirit nudged me to come clean and unburden myself at His feet. Reason being, all this time I was wearing a mask, showing that I was completely okay with what was going around me but we can’t lie to God. He sees our hearts, He reads our minds, He feels our pain and He longs to connect intimately with us. All I needed was that nudge and the tear gates opened wide. I sobbed my heart out, pouring out my emotions, telling him how lost and confused this moment was, confessing that I couldn’t understand  why this was happening, being vulnerable, sharing my fears and all the potential negative possibilities my mind could fathom.

All this time I was crying, I felt Him tightly embracing me, allowing me to be a lil child in His arms, feeling so loved and warm and comforted. Then He gently whispered “It’s all part of the plan”. I slowly calmed down, pausing the sobs so that I was certain of what He had said, perhaps thinking my mind was playing games with me but He said it again repeatedly until my mind and my heart were synced.. “It’s all part of the plan”.

He started reminding me of what His word said, that He is the author and perfector of our faith, that He is the God of order and nothing catches Him by surprise. That He who begun the good work in us is faithful to bring it to a completion and He works all things together for our good. This was all part of the plan. He was in control, He was on the throne. And at once my fears quietened, my mind stopped racing and His peace that surpasses human understanding flooded my heart.

When Abraham was called to move from his father’s house into the unknown lands, he had no assurance of how it would work out but it was all part of the plan. When he was told to sacrifice his only son, he didn’t hold back the one blessing he had prayed for all his life, he obeyed and journeyed to the altar, willing to kill his flesh and blood but it was all part of the plan. When Joseph was stabbed in the back by his own siblings, thrown into the pit, sold as a slave, accused wrongly and sentenced to jail, it was all part of the plan, the redemptive plan of God to reconcile His wayward children back to Himself.

Every challenge, every pain, every situation the children of God as well as His servants went through was never in vain, it was all part of the carefully crafted mastermind exquisite plan of the creator to restore back His creation. Even 400 years later after the old testament, a betrothed virgin was chosen to carry the Messiah, knowing very well the ridicule she would get from the religious society, the potential break up with her fiancé, but this too was all part of the plan. Am utterly convinced that God doesn’t miss His target. His word will never come back in vain without fulfilling what it was destined to fulfil. Isaiah 55:11”so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

I love the words of John Piper in the song “Though you slay by Shane Bernard”:

“Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.

Though you slay me,

Yet I will praise you,

Though you take from me,

I will bless your name,

Though you ruin me,

Still I will worship,

Sing a song to the one who’s all I need”

Our suffering as Christians is never meaningless. The story Behind Shane’s song is a touching one. After the untimely death of his father, he and his family desperately looked to God for comfort. They clung to God’s word, and in the deepest moments of grief, they were led to worship and the song was born in that experience.

I don’t know what journey you’re going through now, I don’t know the pain, the heart breaks, the loss and the anguish you’ve felt. But one thing remains, God’s love never fails, never gives up and never runs out on us. There is nothing that God won’t do to save you. You may not understand the path He has called you to walk, but you can trust that it’s all part of the plan; For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 T

Surrender your pain to him and let Him mold it into your purpose because out of your hurt, your purpose will be birthed, if you allow Him to.

Who knew a few tears would bring out this post?

Who knows what your story will birth??

P.S  We got nominated for BAKE (Bloggers Association of Kenya) 2019 awards under the category Best Religious or Spirituality Blog. Am so totally excited about this,whoop whoop. The voting has been extended to 7th June 2019. Please pretty please head over to https://vote.bakeawards.co.ke/ scroll down to Category 18 Religious or Spirituality Blog, vote for option B- mywalkoffaith.co.ke

Lots of love

Me🤣,